Wrongsick
by PengyChan
Summary: Duff Killigan had no idea of what he was getting himself into when he let DNAmy drag him into that cafeteria.
1. Wrongsick

**If I owned KP, Monkey Fist wouldn't have been turned into a stone statue after being defeated by an infant. As you can easily guess, I don't own KP.**

_Author's notes__: this is probably the first Killigan/DNAmy fanfic ever, though not the first piece of fanwork about this pairing – that title belongs to a lovely fanart from _**VampireNaomi.**_ Thank (or blame XD) her if you're reading this now, for I would have never had the guts to post it here without her encouragement. As you can easily guess from the title and the summary, the pairing is most unusual and will most likely cause a lot of people to go 'ewwww', but whatever: it was funny writing it._

_One more thing: in a way this one-shot is a spin off from another fanfiction of mine, but you don't need to read it to read this one. All you need to know is that DNAmy used to stay outside Monkey Fist's castle, waiting for him to get out (I bet everyone can guess her intentions XD) and generally being a pain, and Monkey Fist asked Drakken to use the Weather Generator to create a storm upon his castle to make her go away. It is somewhat stated in the fic, but it's just to be sure nobody gets confused._

_So, yeah…read at your own risk XD_

* * *

Duff Killigan was definitely not a morning person.

To be more specific he had never been, he was not and he was never going to become a morning person. Somewhere in the castle there was a room full of broken alarm clocks to prove it: until a few years back he had the habit of keeping a golf club near the bed just to smash the alarm clock as soon as it began to ring. A lot of people – well, the few people that had the guts to question him – had told him it would have been more reasonable to just stop buying alarm clocks instead of smashing them and getting new ones each week. What they didn't seem to understand was that he _liked_ smashing alarm clocks: it was a good way to begin the morning…before falling asleep again and finally getting up at noon, of course, ready to play golf until nightfall.

There was a reason why he loved living in his own personal island so much – his island, his rules: nobody to tell him what to do and when, and he was perfectly comfortable that way.

Until a few years back, of course: he was no longer the only one in that island, and no longer the only one to decide. He had done something he would have never thought he could ever do – something rather stupid, indeed, but the damage had been done and he didn't feel like complaining _that_ much…as long as Amy respected the compromises they had reached, of course.

Compromises were something he had much trouble to accept at the beginning – there had never been any kind of compromise in his life for many years, his own rules being the only ones he was willing to follow. Therefore, each compromise they had reached had costed him a valiant effort…but it had been necessary: life with Amy Hall would have been impossible without compromises.

Fist of all: no cuddling in public. His first idea was actually 'no cuddling _ever'_, but it had proved to be impossible to obtain, so they had settled for the 'not in public' compromise after weeks of discussions. Well…they hadn't really been 'discussions', since he just kept getting angry and she just kept cuddling him all the same like you would cuddle an undisciplined but beloved pet without even listening to his ramblings, but whatever.

Same went for those silly, sugary nicknames. He had pretty much given up trying to make her stop calling him 'honey bunny', 'pookie bear' and such by now, but she had thankfully agreed to not use them in front of anyone (and 'anyone' meant 'whatever living being bigger than a fly'). He had almost completely retired from his usual business in the last few years – most of the old group of villains had by now, and those newbies trying to replace them just had no personality in his opinion – but he still had a reputation to maintain, after all.

And, of course, he had to deal with her little hobby of creating sickening creatures playing with DNA. He had tried to convince her to just stop creating those creatures, but there had been no way to convince her, and he had eventually realized that the possibilities she would stop were just as many as the possibilities he would stop playing golf. So she had eventually obtained to use one of the subterranean rooms as a lab, but she was strictly forbidden to keep whatever she created inside the castle: her 'creations' had to stay outside, no matter what. They had a whole island to stay in, after all – as long as they didn't give any trouble and stayed away from his golf field (his explosive golf balls had been useful to teach them to stay away from there), he could deal with them.

…besides, he had to admit that the mean-tempered, giant mixture between a whale and an electric eel swimming around the island was great at keeping undesired guests away. Alice had insisted to name it 'Nessie', after the legendary monster of Loch Ness, and Killigan had to admit the name fit the giant animal.

Last but not least, the 'no redecorating' rule: his castle was perfectly fine the way it was, and he would be dead before having pink furniture or anything close. Overall, that was the agreement they had reached most easily: the castle had plenty of empty, unused rooms that she could 'redecorate' and where she could keep her stuff out of his sight. Last time he had been forced to see one of those plushie…_things_ she loved so much it had been about six years before, the day of Alice's second birthday, when Amy had decided that for some reason the plushie of some mixture between a panda and a kangaroo would be the perfect gift for her daughter.

It had taken little Alice less than thirty seconds to decide it would be fun watching just how much time it would take for the fire in the fireplace to destroy it. And it had been a great throw for a two-years-old, he had to admit. Good little girl.

The golfer smirked at the memory as yawned and turned away from the window, a little annoyed by the light pouring in. How many times had he told Amy to not open the curtains when he was still sleeping?

Oh, well – at least she hadn't tried to wake him up because she wanted some cuddling. It hadn't taken much for her to learn that waking him up could be about as dangerous as poking a sleeping bear and that the most pleasant consequence she could get from that was having him all cranky for the rest of the day. In those occasions, she would usually try to brighten his mood by baking some cookies…and, truth to be told, he sometimes pretended to be grumpier than he really was just to get some cookies. But she didn't need to know _that_, did she?

No, he decided, she didn't. He was pondering if he should use that trick to get some extra cookies that day when peace was suddenly broken by a childish shrill.

"_Pillow fight!"_

Duff Killigan gasped for breath, his eyes snapping open as something – someone in this case – jumped on his stomach. He had barely the time to see spiky pigtails of rusty red hair and a chubby freckled face grinning down at him before a pillow was smashed on his face.

"_What_…_!_"

"Got ye!" he heard a familiar giggle as the pillow was smashed down in his face again.

"That's it lassie – ye're in trouble," Killigan grumbled, catching the pillow before it hit him again and effortlessly snatching it from the child's small hands. The girl shrieked with laughter and tried to jump down before he could catch her, but he was quick enough to grab her before she could run away. She squirmed, trying to break free from her father's grasp, but she was no match for him. Not _yet_, she would have pointed out with a scowl.

"Who got who now, lassie?" he grinned as the eight-years-old finally gave up on trying to get free.

"Ye're bigger," Alice Killigan protested "that's not fair!"

The golfer sneered as he finally let her go and leaned back on the pillow. "It's not my fault if ye're a wee small lassie."

She pouted. "I'm not wee," she protested, apparently oblivious that she was still small enough to comfortably sit on his stomach.

"Ye're not?"

Alice folded her arms with a scowl. "I'm gonna grow up anyway, and then I'll be stronger than ye," she muttered.

"Sure. The world's most dangerous tomboy," Duff Killigan said mockingly, then he yawned and rubbed his eyes "what time is it?"

"Almost midday. Ye missed breakfast, an explosion in mom's lab and the Rhinobunny eating yer golf clubs," she informed him.

"_What?!"_

"Just two of them – the wedge and the chipper, I think."

Killigan was fuming. "I told yer mother to keep that blasted thing outside!" he roared, suddenly sitting upright and causing Alice to fall on the ground.

"Hey, watch it!" she snapped, climbing on the bed again "it was yer fault – ye left them near the window, and Charlie grabbed them from outside."

"Charlie?"

"The Rhinobunny."

"Oh, right," the golfer shrugged – in his opinion, that thing wasn't worth having a name – and turned his thoughts back to his golf clubs. "I left them near the window?"

"Aye," the little girl answered, crossing her fingers behind her back "and he also ate one of yer golf balls," she added "he swallowed it whole. Mom had to open his stomach to get it back before it could explode and make a big mess. I helped," she added with a certain amount of pride.

Killigan grinned – that abomination got what it deserved, in his opinion, so maybe there would be no need to use it to mop the floor – then he frowned again. "Looks like I'll have to get another golf set," he grumbled, scratching his cheek "oh, well – I had to get some stuff one of these days anyway. Are ye up for a trip to Glasgow? I'm going this afternoon."

"Sure!" was the enthusiastic answer. Alice didn't get much outside the island, so she wasn't going to miss that occasion. Maybe they should have sent her to a boarding school instead than having her home schooled, but Amy refused to let her daughter stay away from home for so long, much to Alice's eternal annoyance. Considering how protective she was to her daughter every time the word 'school' was named, Killigan got the distinct feeling her school years hadn't be the brightest in her life.

Besides, their first and only attempt to send Alice to a boarding school the previous year hadn't been successful: much to Amy's delight, she had been sent back home in less than a week, gloating with pride. Apparently, she thought that beating up two schoolmates (two boys, as Alice always pointed out) who had unwittingly asked her if she was a boy or a girl was worth a praise.

In Duff's not-so-humble opinion it _was_, but the school's headmaster didn't seem to think the same way: he had said she would have to take some anger management classes in order to be accepted in the school, and that was something Duff Killigan wasn't going to put his daughter through: he knew perfectly how anger management worked (how many times had he been through it in prison?), and it seemed too darn similar to brainwashing to him.

What the hell, she was his daughter – she was _bound_ to be temperamental like every other Killigan in centuries, he would always say with a certain amount of pride. No, she wouldn't take any of that anger management crap as long as he lived, he had decided.

Amy had been delighted to say the least by his decision. It was one more excuse to keep her daughter safe in the island and – most of all – close to her, since she was afraid that those 'big meanies' could scar her for life or something. Killigan had just snickered at the idea, ignoring the temptation to point out that it would be more likely for them to be scarred for life by Alice than the other way around.

Maybe someday she would realize by herself that her daughter wasn't precisely some sweet little angel, but he had his doubts. Amy wasn't exactly perceptive in that regard.

He grinned at the thought and stretched. "Where's yer mother?"

"She's baking a pie," the little girl said, her mouth watering at the thought "she said it would make ye be less cranky eating something sweet," she shrugged.

Her father snickered. "Aye, she has weird ideas. What pie?"

"Chocolate pie. But she called it 'our special pie'," she frowned in confusion "why? What's so special?"

"Long story," Killigan shrugged, but he gasped as Alice jumped on his stomach again "ouch! Ye could _warn_ before doing that, lassie," he grumbled.

Alice completely ignored his protests. "What story?" she asked, sitting more comfortably on her father's stomach, and Killigan understood he had made a mistake. She was never going to leave him alone until her curiosity was satisfied.

"Well…" Killigan sighed and glanced at the door "she's still downstairs, right?" he asked. There were some parts of the story that she didn't know, and she was probably better keep not knowing them.

"Aye."

"Fine. It was before ye were born – almost ten years ago, I think – and we were at a villain convention..."

"Ye mean one of those meetings where people keep rambling about world domination and all that stuff?"

"Aye, one of those ones. Back then she had a thing for Monkey Boy –"

His daughter blinked. "She had a thing for Michio's dad?" she asked, bewildered. Well, _that_ was unexpected. She wondered if Michio knew it already – she was going to tell him as soon as she heard from him again.

Killigan grinned. "Aye – I bet that's something yer friend doesn't know, his old man doesn't like to talk about it," he paused with a scowl "I don't like that laddie," he grumbled. Since Japan had been the first country to banish him from any golf camps he still held some grudge against that country, and that kid looked too much like an Asian for his tastes, no matter what nationality he had written on his passport. Sometimes he wondered if Alice had befriended the boy just in spite of him.

Alice scowled. "Dad…" she protested, folding her arms.

"Aye, no bashing yer friend," Killigan grunted "anyway, we were at this convention…"

* * *

**Ten years earlier.**

Duff Killigan didn't even _want_ to go to the villain convention that year – it would require getting up a lot earlier than he was used to just to hear a few rants about world domination and stuff like that. Why should anyone try to take over the world anyway? That would require running it later, and that would have been a useless effort and a loss of time. How can you play golf when you have a whole planet to run?

Turning the planet into a giant golf field would make much more sense, in his opinion.

The only reason why he had finally decided to go was that Jack Hench was going to present a new kind of explosive that could make his explosive golf ball even more powerful. It hadn't been worth it: the explosive wasn't nearly as special as he had been told, and it wasn't worth the price.

It had been a rather boring afternoon: the usual 'take over the world' rants, occasionally animated by the usual quarrelling between Drakken and Dementor and Shego occasionally beating the crap out of Motor Ed because of some idiotic misogynist comment. Killigan was not that skilled speaking with women himself, but that guy was a true disaster.

There was another villain too, the genetist with a thing for cuddly plushies or whatever that rubbish was called – but she wasn't much of her usual bubbly, disturbingly cheerful self. She actually looked quite down in the dumps, but he just shrugged: it was not his problem anyway.

He glanced at the other villains in the room, and he realized Monkey Fist wasn't there. Too bad: though he was most likely the craziest guy of the bunch he could be a better company than most others as long as he didn't start speaking of anything simian related.

"Anyone knows where Monkey Boy is?" he asked, more to say something than because he cared "I thought he got out of jail a while back."

Drakken stopped quarrelling with Dementor just for enough time to answer. "Oh, he's not getting out of home that soon – he asked me to create a storm upon his castle a couple of weeks ago to get rid of some intruder sneaking around there, and he's stuck there until…hey, watch out with that!" he protested. DNAmy had let her glass fall on the ground as he mentioned the reason why he had created the storm, and orange juice had splattered on Drakken's clothes. "It's my only lab coat! Who would ever take seriously a villain with stained clothes? What are you thinking? You could at least…ow!"

He gasped as Dementor elbowed his stomach. "Zat up, you _animal_!" the professor exclaimed, gesturing to DNAmy with a brief nod of his head. The woman's lower lip was quivering as if she was about to cry as she muttered some apologize and quickly left the room.

Killigan looked at Drakken with a grin. "Nice job, Blue."

"Yeah, you just don't know how to treat ladies, seriously!" Motor Ed said, causing everyone to snicker and Shego to growl.

Senior Senior Sr. disapprovingly shook his head. "Doctor Drakken, I think your should apologize to the lady," he said, gesturing to the door with his cane "your behaviour was extremely rude, and being a villain is no excuse."

Drakken shifted uneasily. "Hey, it wasn't me! I was just complaining and…c'mon, I'm always complaining anyway! She overreacted!"

Shego shrugged. "I don't think it was Dr. D's whining to upset her. Maybe it's because the monkey freak is not coming – if I'm not mistaking, she had a thing for him. That's why she dumped you, isn't it, Dr. D?" she asked slyly, causing Drakken to grimace. Did she really _have_ to bring that episode back?

"Och, she dumped ye for a monkey?" Killigan mocked him – he had almost forgotten how fun it was mocking Drakken "ye just have no luck, lad…"

"It doesn't surprise me – even a baboon vould be better zan a loser," Dementor said with a shrug.

"We'll see who's the loser when I take over the world!"

"I am ze one who vill take over ze vorld, you incompetent idiot!"

"And I'll take it back from you!"

The quarrelling went on for a while, but everyone lost interest soon enough – it was nothing they hadn't heard a million times already, especially Shego. "So, she has a thing for Monkey Boy?" Killigan asked with a chuckle as the woman sat next to him after sending Motor Ed to crash against the wall for the seventh time in half an hour.

"I guess she thinks monkey paws are cute," Shego said with a shrug "just gross, if you ask to me. But I've seen her drooling over creatures that were twice as sickening, so it could be worse. I'm not sure the freak appreciates her attentions though."

"Aye, he doesn't appreciate anything that hasn't fur and four hands."

"And possibly a tail. I wonder why he didn't ask her to give him a tail too."

Killigan made a face. "How do ye sit with a tail?"

Shego grinned at the though. "Good point," she yawned and gave an annoyed glance to the scene in front of them: Motor Ed was unconscious on the ground – and she hoped he would stay unconscious for a while – the Seniors were leaving already, DNAmy was most likely bawling outside and Drakken and Dementor showed no sign of being tired of their endless discussions. "You could just get back home," she said, turning to the golfer "you don't have a whiny boss to baby-sit."

Leaving? Well, that was a good idea. Why hadn't he thought about it? "Aye, I'm my own boss," Killigan said puffing off his chest and causing Shego to roll her eyes, then he got up from his seat and walked out of the room. His dirigible was in the backyard, and if he left immediately he could get home just in time to play golf for a while before it was too dark…

_"Ouch!"_

He was abruptly snapped out of his thoughts as the door slammed open on his face. He heavily fell on his back, holding his aching nose. _"What the hell…!"_

"Ohhh, I'm so sorry!" a feminine and somewhat whiny voice said somewhere above him. Killigan blinked to focalise the figure looking down at him. It was the genetist…DNAmy or something. She sniffled a little – it was clear she had been crying until a few minutes before.

He was about to yell at her what _exactly_ she could do with her stupid excuses, but she spoke again. "Silly me, I never pay attention…I didn't hurt you, did I?" she asked, her voice still trembling a little as her fingers fidgeted around that plushie…_thing_ she had around her neck.

Killigan grunted. "I'm Duff Killigan, lass – it takes more than _that_ to take me down," he said, somewhat outraged as he got up and folded his arms – who did she take him for? Well, actually his nose still stung, but he wasn't going to let it show up in front of a woman, or anyone for the matter.

Amy seemed relieved. "Oh, I'm so glad you're alright – I always have my head stuck somewhere else," she paused and giggled a little, "it was really nice of you, coming to check if I were alright."

"Uhu?" Killigan blinked. Did she really think he was there for her? That was ridiculous – the thought of being 'nice' was enough to make him sick, let alone the idea of being nice to someone who had nearly broken his nose! What made her think he cared if she was alright or dying? He was just going to get his dirigible to go back home! He quickly shook his head. "No, actually I'm just–" he trailed off as he noticed the hopeful look on her face "er…"

Alright, maybe disappointing her wouldn't be such a wise move. She didn't seem dangerous at all, but he had heard sickening stuff about her creations – and he wasn't dying to be turned into some living cuddle…whatever it was. It was rumoured that she had fused a guy who had insulted her with the rat that Possible's dumb sidekick always carried with him, and he definitely didn't want the same thing to happen to him.

How do you handle golf clubs with a mole's paws anyway?

"I mean…aye, I wanted to be sure ye're fine," he quickly lied, glancing around and hoping none of the other villains were around to listen. He had a reputation to maintain, after all.

Amy gave him huge smile, and Killigan found himself being a little stunned by the sudden change of behaviour. "Aw, no need to be shy!" she chirped, grabbing his arm in an iron grasp. Apparently, thinking he was there because he was worried about her had cheered her up considerably – she seemed to greatly value any attention she got, and for some reason Killigan doubted she got much of it.

"I'm not shy!" he protested, faintly wondering why did she _have_ to stand so close. Shy, him? The world's most dangerous golfer? Ha! That was laughable. He just didn't want to have the other villains think he had gone soft – he would never be able to show his face out of his castle again. He tried to break free from her grasp somehow, but there was no use – how _could_ a woman have such a strong grip?

He snorted impatiently, trying to not lose his temper – the only thing keeping him from snapping was the frightening idea of being turned into a mole-man or something. Besides, he had never exchanged more than a few words with her, and he had no idea of what it could upset her. "Look, lass, I'm really glad to see ye're fine and everythin', but I really have to…get back…" he paused as he saw her pout a little, her grip on his arm still not loosening. "…what now?"

"Well, I thought it would be nice if you stayed a bit more," she said, and Killigan grimaced as she said 'nice' "it was really kind of you to worry about me, and I slammed a door on your face," she giggled a little nervously "I would like to thank you properly. There is a cafeteria downstairs – how about a hot chocolate?"

Killigan couldn't help but shudder at the thought of what the other villains would think of him should they see him drinking hot chocolate with DNAmy of all people. Besides, what could her conversations be like? He didn't think he would be able to listen her endless, sugary babbling about those weird plushies and her sick experiments. What else could someone like her talk about?

"Er…I'd like to stay, lass, but –"

"Wonderful!" she exclaimed enthusiastically, dragging him downstairs "have you ever tried those chocolate chips cookies? You have to!"

Killigan was about to tell her that he didn't _have_ to do anything, that she could eat those blasted cookies herself and leave him alone, but the brief image of himself fused with an hairless rodent that flashed in front of his eyes was enough to make him change his mind.

"Lass, I really have to get back in Scotland…" he tried again as she dragged him inside the cafeteria, trying to stay calm – he wasn't used to justify himself for something, much less for something like that: he was used to follow no rules but his own.

Too bad, she didn't seem to get what he meant. "Ohh, right – you're a Scot, aren't you? That's why you're wearing a kilt," she sounded delighted at the thought as she physically pushed him on the chair, "it's so cute!"

Killigan gritted his teeth, moving the arm she had previously grabbed in the attempt to regain his circulation. 'Cute' wasn't exactly the way he would have described his homeland's traditional clothing, but at least she hadn't mistaken it for a dress like most Americans he had met. "Whatever," he grumbled "anyway, I have to move as soon as–"

"Aw, c'mon – I'm sure you can stay enough time for a snack…two hot chocolates!" she yelled, waving at the waiter to get his attention "do you want cream in your chocolate?"

Now he could definitely see why Monkey Fist shuddered anytime somebody named her. "No, I don't! I just want to–"

"No cream in the second one!" she shrilled at the waiter, completely ignoring whatever he was going to say next "cookies?" she asked.

Killigan was about to forget any caution and just snap, but his stomach grumbled before he could speak. Well, he _was_ hungry after all – he could as well eat something since he was stuck with that woman, he thought as he quickly glanced around to make sure none of the other villains were there. "Ain't there anything else besides cookies?"

DNAmy looked down at the menu. "How about chocolate pie? It's one of the most delicious things I ever ate – it's a must to try!"

The golfer shrugged. As long as it was edible, he had no complicated tastes – especially when he was hungry. "Sounds fine."

"A chocolate pie, then," she cheerfully yelled at the waiter. The idea of just waiting until the guy asked them if the needed anything didn't seem to occur her. "No, not a slice of pie – a _whole_ pie, silly!" she added with a giggle, as if eating a whole pie in a cafeteria was the most natural thing in the world.

Killigan blinked. "The whole pie?" he asked while silently praying whoever could hear him that none of the other villains would show up to see him there.

She grinned sheepishly. "I always eat a bit more than usual when I feel bad," she admitted "and chocolate is the best to feel better."

He frowned a little. "Are ye seriously so down because of Monkey Boy?" he asked bluntly, suddenly reminded of the reason why she had been so upset earlier "what's so special about a lad that only cares about monkey stuff?"

DNAmy blushed a little. "Well…" she paused, unsure if he should try to defend him somehow. She was pretty sure he had asked Drakken to create that storm to get rid of _her_, and that was kinda rude of him.

"I mean, he doesn't even pay attention to anything that isn't simian related," Killigan added with a shrug, not knowing that she had indeed partially turned herself into an ape in the attempt to catch him "he's not worth so much trouble, if ye ask to me. Is it true that ye ditched Blue for him, by the way?" he asked, amused to no end at the thought.

Amy couldn't help but giggle a little, an almost guilty expression on her face. "Oh, you mean Dr. Drakken? Poor sweetie. I hope he didn't take it too badly."

Killigan couldn't help but grin as he thought of Drakken expression upon knowing he was being dumped by one of the most unattractive women ever for a half-monkey freak. It was a pity nobody had taken a shot of the moment – he would have paid to see that!

His grin faltered a little as he noticed she did actually look worried. "He constantly tries to take over the world, and he constantly fails. He can survive being dumped…it's not like it's the first time it happens anyway," he added with a grin.

She seemed relieved at the thought. "I guess you're right," she said as the waiter placed the hot chocolates and the pie in front of them. Killigan had to admit that the pie really looked mouth-watering. He turned his glance from the pie just in time to notice how the waiter was snickering, watching both them and the huge pie one the table.

"Do ye have a problem, lad?" he barked, causing the young man to shudder and take a step back.

"I…uhu…" the waiter swallowed nervously – he had heard that the golfer had sent a guy to the hospital at the previous convention just because he didn't like the way he was looking at him, and he wasn't dying to be the second one "nothing, sir."

"Smart lad," he muttered as the waiter quickly walked away.

Amy giggled. "Oh, you shouldn't get all angry over this," she said with a shrug as she took a slice of pie "I don't mind."

"I do," Killigan grumbled "people should mind they own…mfgh!"

"Here you go," she cooed as she stuffed the pie in his mouth, stopping him from ranting "isn't it delicious?"

Fine, now she had crossed the line – no one could do a such thing to Duff Killigan and get away with it, insane genetist or not: facing the risk of being genetically fused with a rat or something was nothing compared to that humiliation. Killigan's face turned deep red both for the fury and the mouthful of pie that threatened to choke him. It costed him an awful effort to swallow it.

"_What do ye think –_" he began screaming, then he surprisingly trailed off and blinked "…it is good," he muttered, apparently forgetting his rage. Truth to be told, that pie was probably one of the best things he ever ate.

She seemed pleased by his reaction. "I told you," she sing-sang as she sipped some hot chocolate.

"Er…aye, ye told me," Killigan glanced around again to make sure no one was looking, and he seemed to relax as he saw that nobody was paying them attention – his previous outburst and his reputation had probably been enough to convince anyone to look the other way.

_All the better_, he thought as he grabbed another slice. Besides, it was the other villain's opinions he was really worried about, and they were not there – who the heck cared if some John Doe saw him? It wasn't like he was doing anything compromising, and that pie _was_ delicious.

"Oh, I'm glad you like it," Amy giggled a little as she took a bite, and Killigan couldn't help but wonder if she ever stopped giggling like a child in a candy shop "I hope I didn't make you lose too much time…it is a long way to Scotland," she looked almost guilty now.

"Ye could think about it before dragging me here," Killigan said, more amused than really annoyed this time. For some reason the idea that it would be dark before he would be back home and that he wouldn't be able to play golf until the next day didn't bother him too much either, but he was quick to blame the pie for that.

She seemed a little embarrassed. "I don't think much sometimes," she admitted with a chuckle "and now I probably made you lose your flight – I'm terribly sorry!"

"I missed no flight, lass – I got here with my own dirigible, and I can leave wherever I want," Killigan said, his mouth full.

"Oh, the dirigible outside is yours then!" she exclaimed. She sounded delighted at the thought, as if he had just told her he had wings or something. "It must be fun travelling with one of those – I never got a chance."

"Aye, it's not bad," he said, swallowing the last bit and reaching for another slice "it's an easy way to move around, and I can get back to the island wherever I want."

"Oh, you live on an island?"

"_My_ island," Killigan pointed out, proudly puffing out his chest.

"Ohh, you have the whole island all for yourself?" Considering her habit of messing with DNA and creating her own living…_whatever_, she really was easy to impress, Killigan mused.

"Aye," he said with some pride, "mine and no one else's. It always belonged to my clan."

"Your clan?"

"My family."

"Oh, I understand. It must be wonderful having a place like that all for yourself," Amy said almost dreamily, absentmindedly taking another bite of chocolate pie.

"It's great," he confirmed "I have no need to take over the world when I have my own place where the only rules to follow are mine."

"Oh, I know – I used to have a place like that before Kim Possible showed up," she almost whined "that meanie made my lab blow up."

"Och, that lassie caused a lot of trouble to everyone here," Killigan grumbled, not knowing that the girl in question was leaving the building in that same moment after spending a rather boring day spying the villains' moves, dragging her traumatized boyfriend with her. The sight of Duff Killigan and Amy Hall in a cafeteria 'having a date', as would put it once regained the ability to speak coherently enough without screaming 'wrongsick!' every five seconds, had proven to be too much for poor Ron's brain.

"Oh, don't start sulking now," she giggled at his suddenly grumpy expression "take some other pie – chocolate always makes things better."

Killigan mumbled something intelligible as he quickly took another bite to prevent her from stuffing the pie in his mouth again – she had almost chocked him last time. Truth to be told, he did feel better…and it was the _chocolate_ that was cheering up his mood, of course, not her endless chattering. "Aye, no need to get mad over it. She'll bite the dust sooner or later."

"That's the spirit!" she exclaimed, patting his shoulder with surprising strength and causing him to spill part of his (thankfully no longer so hot) chocolate on his kilt.

"Looks like yer feeling better, lass," he grumbled, glancing at his stained kilt. She seemed quite cheerful for one that had been crying until barely half an hour before – it looked like the chocolate was working on her as well…because it _was_ the chocolate that was brightening her mood, right?

_Sure it is! What else could it be?_

She nodded. "Yes, much better. Thank you for the company, it works even better than the pie," she said cheerfully, then she glanced down at the pie – there was still half of it left "I don't think I can finish all of it – too bad, it's such a waste! Can't you eat some more?"

Killigan grinned. "I guess I can make this sacrifice," he said as he took another bite, causing her to chuckle.

"I think I'll keep some for Charlie, he loves chocolate – but just one slice, he has to be careful with food. He eats too much," Amy added, taking another bite "it's not really healthy."

The golfer was about to say something about how more convincing she would have sounded wasn't she so fat and speaking with her mouth full of chocolate pie, but he quickly changed his mind. "Charlie?"

"Oh, just a pet of mine," she said with a shrug "one of my homemade creations – a fusion between a rhino and a bunny. He's absolutely adorable, with the cutest ears ever! But he's better than any guard dog when it comes to keep meanies away."

Killigan shuddered slightly as he tried to picture what her 'pet' could look like, then he blinked. "Ye mean…it guards yer property?" he asked. Now, _that_ sounded interesting. He had never thought her genetic experiments could really be useful, but maybe…

"Yes, of course. Why?"

He shrugged. "Well, I had some trouble with that Possible lassie lately – they got on my island looking for a guy I hadn't even kidnapped, and…it didn't end up so well. Looks like the usual stuff isn't enough to keep intruders away, so some kind of…creature guarding my island would be useful. Do ye think –"

"If I could create a pet to guard your home?" she asked, as excited as a kid in a candy shop "of course I can! It could be an aquatic creature, so it could guard the whole island – and there are so many kinds of cute aquatic animal, and…" she paused and giggled as she saw him frowning "oh, silly me…I guess you're more about 'vicious and bloodthirsty' like Dr. Drakken, right?"

"Aye," Killigan said, relieved to see how quickly she had grasped the concept.

DNAmy bit her lower lip a little nervously. "Last time I tried with that kind of stuff, things went out of control – a too vicious creature could turn against you."

He hadn't thought about it. "Aye, maybe it's not such a good idea after all."

"Wait," she pondered for a few moments "how about some creature that's docile enough to obey, but big enough to keep strangers away without having to hurt?"

It sounded like a reasonable compromise – he still didn't know how much the word 'compromise' was going to hunt him in the upcoming years. "Good idea. So, ye can really do it?"

"I'm sure I can! But I'll need some information to decide what kind of DNA I should use – you know, I'd have to analyse the sea it's going to live in. I need to know what kind of habitat the pet will have to live in, the water temperature, the food it could find and such."

"That's no trouble – ye can come to check the place in any moment, lass."

Much to his surprise, she began to giggle – what did she find so funny now? "Are you inviting me to your island?" she asked, leaning forward. A little _too_ forward for his tastes.

"Er…aye," he said, leaning back on the chair as much as he could. He suddenly felt terribly nervous. "Ye know, to check the water and…whatever ye have to check."

"Sure," she cooed, and Killigan faintly wondered if she had ever heard a word of what he had just said. Why was she staring at him like that anyway? Did he have something on his face or…what?

"So…uh…how much is it going to cost?" he asked, partially to turn her attention and partially because, unlike Monkey Boy, he valued money – he wasn't going to spend everything he had…not for anything unrelated to golf anyway.

"Oh, it's free for you – I have all the stuff I need already, I just need some information and so on: it will be a child's play," she said merrily, writing something on the napkin on the table "too bad I have to go now, or I'll lose my flight – here's my number," she handed the napkin to him with an exaggeratedly huge smile.

"Er…I see," Killigan said as he quickly took the number. He was starting to feel quite uneasy now, which was most unusual – but he thought anyone with an Y chromosome would feel uneasy with that odd woman within ten feet from them…and she was once again too close "I'll let ye know when ye can come to check the island."

"Whenever you want, Duffy," she said cheerfully, reaching out to pinch his cheek and causing him to grit his teeth.

"Was _that_ necessary, lass?" he asked, quickly glancing around to make sure nobody had seen or heard that.

"Oh, don't be silly, I was just being friendly," she chuckled as she left the cafeteria almost dancing "I'll be waiting for your phone call!" she shrilled before the door closed behind her.

Duff Killigan just sat numbly for a few moments. He glanced at the napkin still in his hand, and he wasn't reassured at all to see she had scribbled a heart near her phone number – what had he put himself into?

_Well, no problem – I'll just forget the number, and that crazy lass won't bother me again. But some kind of menacing creature guarding my island would be useful after all…_

He hesitated, then he gave a frustrated sigh as he quickly stuffed it in his pocket – he would think better after playing some golf, he decided. Besides, he didn't have any rush to decide…and anyway, it wasn't like he was afraid she could show up – he could handle her...right?

Killigan got up and turned to the customers that were glaring at him. "What are ye looking at?" he growled. Everyone immediately glanced down as he marched out of the cafeteria, and nobody dared to remind him there was still the bill to pay: two hot chocolates and a pie were not worth any broken bone, after all.

* * *

"So she calls it 'our special pie' because it's what ye ate that day?"

"Aye."

Alice made a disgusted face. "Corny and sappy."

Killigan rolled his eyes. "Och, it's yer mother we're talking about. What did ye expect?"

"True," the little girl shrugged "so ye called her eventually. Wrong move."

"Och, I liked the idea of having a giant monster guarding the island. Did ye think that Nessie was yer mother's idea?"

Alice shook her head. "Not cute. Not cuddly. Not nice in any way. Nope, it's not her thing," she grinned "that's why I like Nessie."

"Big, threatening, and potentially dangerous. Aye, it's _yer_ thing," Killigan grinned, proud and somewhat relieved to see how similar his daughter was to him – too bad, he thought with a grimace, she didn't seem to share his love for golf. She seemed to be a little more enthusiastic about it lately, but he suspected it was more because he had given her the permission to use the explosive balls rather that for real devotion to the sport itself. Oh, well…it could be worse. The idea of having to deal with a younger version of Amy was scary to say the least – one DNAmy was enough, thank you so much.

"Pookie bear?"

_Speak of the devil, _Killigan thought as Alice jumped off his stomach, allowing him to sit upright. Judging by the scent that filled the air, the pie was ready – there was little doubt she had baked it to make him forget the accident with her Rhinosomething and his golf clubs. The golfer cleared his throat, mustered a grumpy expression – he wouldn't have minded getting some extra pie to 'make him stop sulking' – and turned to the door.

Amy giggled a bit nervously as she saw his sulky expression. "So, uhm…Alice told you about Charlie and your golf clubs, I guess," she said, holding the pie in front of her as if its sight could be enough to make him relax.

"Aye, she told me about that freak eating my golf clubs," he snorted, briefly glancing at the mouth-watering pie and ignoring Alice snickering behind Amy's back – she had understood he was playing grumpy to get more pie "I thought I already told ye I don't want that thing anywhere near the castle."

Amy bit her lower lip. "Oh, but sweetums, poor Charlie feels so lonely in that cave! He just wants your company, and he likes you!"

"Aye, it likes me so much that he tried to crush me," he said sarcastically.

"Oh, but honey bunny, he was just _hugging_ you…"

"He was trying to _crush_ me," Killigan repeated with a scowl, causing her to giggle a bit.

"Well, maybe he's a bit jealous of my attentions to anyone else…"

"Besides, it was funny watching ye trying to get him off ye while he was trying to bite yer head off."

"_Alice!_" Killigan barked.

The little girl held up her hands. "Shutting up."

"No need to be mean to her," Amy said, putting the pie on the nightstand and hugging her daughter protectively, almost suffocating her in the process.

"Mom, no hugging! I'm too big for that!"

"Big? Ye're just a wee lassie," Killigan snickered as the girl struggled to break free from her mother's grasp "is that chocolate pie?" he asked, pretending to have just noticed it.

"For my sweetums," Amy cooed, letting go of his daughter to grab a slice of pie and stuck it in his mouth. Killigan swallowed and took another bite. Not bad, not bad at all – maybe he could quit staying grumpy for a while now.

Amy seemed delighted to see his expression change. "Do you like it, honey bunny?"

"Not bad," he mumbled, his mouth full "anyway, that Rhino…something must star away from the castle, from me and from my golf clubs. Is that clear enough?"

"Maybe he wouldn't give you any more trouble if I gave him some company," Amy suggested innocently.

"Some _company_? There is plenty of other…_things_ on this island!"

"Dad?"

"What?"

"I think she wants to give him a mate."

"_What?!"_

Alice shrugged and turned to her mother as Killigan began to choke on the pie. "I think he doesn't like the idea."

"Of course I don't!" Killigan snapped, terrified by the thought of another…thing like that one around. And what if the bred? The thought of a whole litter of those creatures was enough to make him cringe. "We already discussed about it a thousand times: no mates for anyone! I don't want any litter of those…those…"

"Living Cuddlebuddies?" Amy suggested.

"Whatever ye call them. I don't want my island to be overloaded by them. No mates for any of…_those_, and that's final."

"Dad's right, they could become too many," Alice said, taking a bite of pie from the tray "and it would be too difficult to control them," she added, her mouth full.

He nodded. "Alice got the point."

Amy sighed, just slightly disappointed, but she quickly cheered up – she could always have fun creating some new living Cuddlebuddy, after all. "Maybe you're right, pookie bear."

He grinned. "Aye, I'm always right."

"Besides," the Alice added innocently "if they take over the island or something, I'd be the one that would have to deal with them when dad kicks the bucket."

"That's right, when I'll –" Killigan trailed off and gritted his teeth, his face reddening from fury "_why, ye little…_" he tried to catch his daughter, but she was quick enough to grab another slice of pie before running out of the room snickering.

"That lassie is getting too sassy," he growled, folding his arms.

"Aw, she was just kidding – don't be too serious," Amy said merrily as she gave him a rib-cracking hug, causing him to gasp for breath "do you think you can take another slice before lunch, honey bunny?"

Well, _of course_ he could. As he gave another bite he had to admit that, aside for his cracked ribs and his desire to rip that damned Rhinobunny into shreds, it wasn't _such_ a bad way to start the day.


	2. Random scenes: In Sickness and in Health

_A/N: you were supposed to be spared this, really. Blame _**VampireNaomi **_and her not-so-subtle suggestions to post the other Killigan/DNAmy stuff I wrote. Blame her, folks, and ignore the detail I'm supposed to have my own free will and could have spared you this stuff anyway XD_

_Stupidness aside (sorta), what I'm going to update here are mostly some random Killigan/DNAmy scenes set after their meeting in the previous chapter. And when I say random I really mean it: no real plot or much chronological order, just a lot of pointless humor. But hey, it was fun to write, and I hope it could be amusing to read as well ^^_

_

* * *

  
_

"Are ye sure we have to do this, lass?" Killigan grumbled, pulling the paddles on the boat and glancing down at the icy cold water "we could have taken the samples ashore…"

"I'll need to analyse the water from all around the island to have a better idea of what kind of habitat the creature will live into, Duffy," Amy said almost apologetically, handling a vial to him.

Killigan rolled his eyes as he grabbed the vial and stretched overboard to get that blasted water sample. "Do ye just have to call me that way?" he protested. As much as the idea of having some kind of creature guarding his property attracted him, he was starting to wonder if it was really worth it – that lass' endless chattering and annoying cheerfulness was so unbearable that he regretted letting her on his island already. If it wasn't for the fact she had offered creating that creature for free, he would have kicked out of there already.

"Oh, don't be silly, I'm just being friendly," she said with a giggle, patting his back "there is no need to get all grumpy for--" she trailed off as a loud splash covered up her words, and she glanced down to the water to see Killigan's tam floating near the boat. Maybe she had put a little _too much_ strength in that pat.

"…ops."

* * *

Illness was something that Duff Killigan absolutely despised – and not just because of the burning throat, the stuffed nose and the fever: illness also forced him to stay in bed all day…which was something he wouldn't really complain about, if it wasn't for the small detail that the weather was wonderful and his golf course seemed to scream 'come and play!' every single time he looked outside the window.

Not to mention the fact that he apparently wasn't allowed to stay alone and deal with it his way anymore – and who the heck had given her the permission to get in his bedroom?

"Och, lass, aren't ye supposed to be busy?" Duff Killigan snapped, refusing to look at the bowl of chicken soup she was still handling to him. Wasn't she supposed to be analysing the sample of water they had taken the previous day anyway? He was definitely starting to regret letting her on his island, no matter how interested he was in the possibility of having some giant creature guarding it.

"Here, here, no need to be so grumpy – this will make it better," she chided him, looking oddly amused by the whole situation – which was rather unnerving, considering that SHE was the one who had caused him to fall ill while taking those blasted water samples. One would think she would have enough sense to not pat his back on the boat while he was stretching overboard, but he had apparently overestimated her common sense.

A mistake he wouldn't repeat, he resentfully thought as he sneezed again. "I _know_ what would make it better, and it's not that stuff," he grunted, barely glancing at the soup.

DNAmy simply shook her head as if she were dealing with an undisciplined kid. "You're wrong, a good hot soup is so much better than that rubbish…"

"Watch yer words, lass – it's scotch whiskey ye're talking about!" he bellowed – well, as much as you can bellow while your throat feels like it's on fire "and it always makes it better anyway," he grumbled.

Amy giggled at his grumpy expression. "Aw, don't take it so badly! You'll get a glass of that after you finish the soup, alright?" she cooed.

Killigan scowled. "What? Lass, I'm Duff Killigan – who do ye _think_ ye are to boss me around in my own-- _atchoo!_"

Amy's grin widened as she handled him a handkerchief. "As you were saying, cutie…?" she asked as the golfer blew his reddened nose.

He grunted something, but he felt too weary to even protest as she called him 'cutie'. "Och, whatever – give me that blasted thing!" he barked, trying his best to ignore her almost disturbingly delighted expression as he took the bowl of chicken soup. Alright, fine, it _did _taste good, but he wasn't going to admit that in a million years.

* * *

"Feeling better, Duffy?"

Killigan frowned as he turned from the television to look up at her as she got in, once again wondering what in the world made her think she could just get inside his bedroom like that. He had to talk to her about that…once he had completely recovered, that was it. Speaking with her for more than ten minutes never failed to give him an awful headache, and he didn't feel like it at all.

"Aye, much better – and it's because of the whiskey anyway," he immediately added. He almost expected her to argue, but she simply gave him a huge smile.

"Oh, I'm so glad you're doing better," she chirped as she sat by on the bed next to him, pinching his cheek and causing him to snort.

"Aye, whatever – what are ye doing here?" he inquired, trying his best to ignore the small stab of nervousness in his stomach – she was once again too close for him to feel comfortable, and the fact she was in his bedroom sitting on his bed definitely didn't help. It was awkward, really – did that woman so utterly lack of common sense?

"Just checking if you were feeling any better – it was my fault if you fell ill after all," she said almost embarrassedly, then her expression brightened up as she held up something she had kept behind her back "and I brought you cookies! Just baked."

Alright, maybe letting her in sometimes wasn't such a bad idea. "With chocolate chips?"

"With chocolate chips."

"Sounds great," Killigan grabbed a cookie and stuffed it in his mouth before she could do that herself. Well, she was a good cook, he had to give her that.

"Do you like it, cutie pie?" she cooed.

Killigan grimaced. "Do ye just have to call me like that?" he asked over the mouthful of cookie, but she ignored him and glanced at the television

"Ooh, you're watching 'Agony County'!"

Killigan relaxed slightly and leant more comfortably on the pillow as she turned her attention to the soap opera on the screen. "Aye – these are the reruns though. I was in jail through most of it, and I missed a lot of stuff…"

"Yup, me too – I remember seeing you in jail a while back. You were there during Junior's little show, right?

The golfer shuddered as he swallowed the last bite. "Don't remind me."

"Aw, c'mon, it wasn't so bad," she protested, "I really liked it."

"Ye were the only one, lass," Killigan grumbled, clearly remembering Drakken's nearly terrified expression and Monkey Fist's scowl at the end of the show. Drakken's sidekick didn't seem to have appreciated it either.

"That's not true – his father liked it as well," she pointed out with a slight pout.

"Och, the old man would praise everything his son does – I bet he spoilt him like mad when he was a laddie. A stupid way to deal with a kid…" he grumbled before glancing at the screen "I already saw this episode in blue boy's lair," he said with a sigh "and I had cold that time too…"

"Isn't it the one in which Brock and Felicia switched brains?" she asked, absentmindedly taking a cookie herself.

"Aye – I got to the point they were about to say if the marriage was off, then that Possible lassie got me and I didn't get to see the next episode…" he grunted something about how there should be a television in each cell rather than just one in the common room and how unnerving it was having to fight for the remote control each time – which usually meant it was either Shego or monkey boy to decide that to watch – but she interrupted him.

"Well, I got to see a little past that point instead – oh, you just have to see the next episode tomorrow then! They tried to switch brains back, but then Ruth walked in, and…!"

"Och, no need to spoil it now," he protested "I still have to see it!"

"Sorry, honey bunny," Amy said apologetically, then her expression lightened up "but really, you wouldn't believe what happened! I'll bake you some more cookies tomorrow, so we can watch it together!" she said enthusiastically "how about that, Duffy?"

Killigan hesitated. Actually, he had been planning to get out and play golf the next day since he had almost completely recovered already, and the idea of staying in his room one more day, watching the show with DNAmy squealing every ten seconds wasn't precisely appealing…but what the heck, he just had to see if the marriage was off!

Besides, she had said she would bake cookies…and that could be worth the trouble after all. He lived alone, so he usually cooked his own meals, and sweets definitely weren't something he was able to cook: it wasn't that bad at all getting to eat such stuff now, not to mention that the whole breakfast-in-bed thing wasn't bad either. And…well, there was the detail that it wasn't _that_ bad having someone to speak with sometimes, even if it was a clingy, disturbingly cheerful crazed genetist that seemed to have to idea of what 'personal space' meant.

…well, maybe he _could_ wait one more day. After all, it wasn't like he had _completely_ recovered…

"Aye, why not?"

* * *

"I can't believe he said _that_!"

"Yes, it was really mean of him," Amy said with a somewhat melancholic sigh "it wasn't her fault if she ended up with her brain in Ruth's body…"

"Sure it wasn't, it was him to mess up things. Had he locked that door, she wouldn't have walked in while they were trying to get things right again," Killigan grunted "what a whimp…"

"Well, it was a shock to him – he could always change his mind one he calms down a bit…" Amy said, unsure – she had never seen the next episode either, and now curiosity was eating her up.

"Och, he has no excuses – ye don't treat yer lass like that," Killigan shrugged "besides, who the heck cares if it wasn't her body? It was still _her_."

She giggled a little. "Oh, you know how men…well, most men are. Felicia's body was much prettier than Ruth's," she pointed out, looking just a little saddened by the thought for some reason.

Killigan snorted. "So what? If that's his problem, she's better off without him. Ye don't turn down yer lass because of her looks – that just isn't what _matters_. That lad didn't deserve her, and…uh…what?" he blinked as he saw she was once again too close for his tastes, looking at him with a huge smile.

"Oh, what you said is just so _sweet_!" she cooed, leaning forward and causing him to scramble back against the bedpost.

Alright, enough was enough. "Lass, I'm Duff Killigan – I'm _not_ sweet!"

"Aw, I know you like to act all rough, but I know you're a softie!" she giggled, causing Killigan to swallow – now she was _definitely_ too close "I wish all men were like you."

"Er…" Killigan gawked at her for a moment or two, the idea of protesting for being called a 'softie' not even crossing his mind "…ye're the first one to say that, lass," he finally heard himself say. There was a part of his brain that was screaming at him to get up and run…too bad his body refused to obey, and the rest of his brain was just too numb to come up with anything intelligent to do or say.

_What the heck is she doing?_

_Och, lad, isn't that obvious? She's flirting, even a blind man would get it. Get away while ye still have a chance!_

"Oh, that's too bad – I really think there should be more guys like your around," Amy said, giving him hug that left him gasping for breath and glancing up at him with a bright smile that caused him to swallow nervously. Now her face was dangerously close to his as well.

_I tell ye, lad, if ye don't ran away now ye'll never get her off ye! Don't do anything stupid!_

Killigan tensed, getting ready to push her away and blabber some excuse about how she was probably wrong and how he just wasn't the right guy for her. Aye, he would do exactly that. Eventually. Maybe.

…then again, maybe not.

_Lad…?_

_Sod off, brain. I'm busy here._

_

* * *

  
_

As Duff Killigan opened his eyes, his mind still slightly dazed, he immediately registered two things: that he was cold and that he couldn't feel his left arm anymore. The reason why he was so cold was really pretty easy to find out – he just had to turn a little to his right to see his pajamas in a heap on the floor. And as for his arm…

He blinked as his mind suddenly got much less dazed and he remembered _exactly_ what had happened.

_Oh, crap._

_I told ye to not do anything stupid, lad, but would ye listen? Nooo, ye wouldn't, ye're just as stubborn as darn mule…_

Killigan took a deep breath and turned to his left. Amy was still sleeping, holding his arm as if it was a one of her plushies or something – and man, she had most likely cut off his circulation. A woman just wasn't supposed to be _that_ strong, he thought. He was about to snatch his arm away from her grasp, but he paused as he looked at her face. She wore a small, content smile he had never seen on her face before. It was so different from her usual wide, toothy smiles that it caused him to freeze for a few moments.

Alright, it wasn't like he could just wake her up like that and throw her out or something – that's just something that should never be done to a lass, after all.

_Besides, it's not like she forced ye._

Nope, she hadn't. Killigan hesitated just another moment before reaching down with his free arm to grab the sheets and pull them over both of them before leaning back down, facing her. Amy snuggled a little closer to him, and Killigan didn't even tense or try to pull back – there wouldn't be much point in doing that _now_, after all.

Besides, he thought somewhat confusedly as he pulled the sheets again to make sure her shoulders stayed covered – the room _was_ cold, after all – it wasn't bad at all if he just ignored the fact he couldn't feel his arm and that he was _definitely_ going to regret it as soon as she woke up…but, much to his own surprise, he really didn't care right now. Maybe his mind was still too dazed to actually process what had happened and what consequences it could have, but she was soft and warm and she smelled good, and to his own surprise the idea of never getting rid of her again didn't seem _too_ bad for now.


	3. Random scenes: Surprise

_A/N: okay, here's another rather pointless piece. Just a few tings before everybody goes "WTF": as I stated in the first chapter, this actually began as a one-shot that was supposedly a minor spin-off of another fanfiction I wrote. You don't have to read the other one at all to get this – the only thing you need to know is that Monkey Fist basically had to ring Amy to know if there was a possibility his genetic mutation could be passed down through the genes since he was about to have a kid (this is one long, twisted story you're probably better off not knowing about XD), and considering how obsessed with him she was, a phone call was enough to make Killigan jealous.  
_

…_er, are you still there? Wow, you're brave XD_

_

* * *

  
_

"Oh, isn't that just adorable? Babies are so cute! I wonder if it will be a boy or a girl…"

Duff Killigan rolled his eyes, holding back a groan. Yes, it HAD been fun thinking of monkey boy having to deal with a kid – he had gotten a good laugh at the thought, wondering who would ever be crazy enough to settle with that nutcase – but Amy's squeals of delight were starting to get on his nerves. She had been repeating how cute and adorable a 'baby Monty' would be for at least three hours, and there was only that much he could take.

"Is something wrong, honey bunny?" she asked with a slight frown – she HAD noticed his utter lack of enthusiasm eventually.

Och, better late than never…

"Aye, I'm perfectly fine," he grumbled from the couch "especially since ye've been blabbering about yer ex for the past three hours."

Amy grinned a little, feeling almost guilty. "But sweetums, I wasn't talking about him, I was talking about the baby…"

"Whatever. Ye can't expect me to be glad when ye keep squealing over _anything_ related to monkey boy," he said with a frown, causing Amy to giggle and sit on the couch next to him.

"I thought you got along with him. Well, sort of," she said, remembering that among villains 'getting along' pretty much meant 'manage to stay in the same room without feeling the urge to kill each other after five minutes' rather than actually…well, getting along.

"Aye, I do – as long as he stays _away_ from ye."

"Ooh, still jealous?" she cooed, feeling just a tad smug as she gave him a rib-cracking hug – she loved it when he was so protective, especially since she couldn't recall anyone that ever had that kind of attitude towards her.

He seemed to calm down as she hugged him – or maybe he was just trying to not waste any oxygen until she let him go – but the scowl was still on his face. "Aye."

"Oh, but you don't have to be, silly! He just called to ask if the mutation would have been passed down, nothing more. And I told you, you're my pookie bear…"

Killigan grimaced slightly – those nicknames still annoyed the crap out of him, and to make things worse she had called him like that with monkey boy _listening_ from the other side of the line – but he didn't feel like protesting now. "And ye're my lass – monkey boy better remember it," he said, forgetting the small detail that Monkey Fist had never showed anything even vaguely close to interest in Amy once he had had his monkey hands and feet.

"Well, now he has a baby coming – that means he is busy already, doesn't it? Not that it would matter if he weren't," she quickly added as Killigan glared at her, hugging him tighter. She didn't want him to think he was some kind of _replacement_, because he definitely was not. It had felt bad enough when she had unintentionally hurt poor Drakken, and she didn't want him to think it would be the same.

"Och, sure it wouldn't," Duff Killigan snorted, but he was grinning a little as he reached out to put arm around her just a tad possessively. He was actually relieved by the idea monkey boy wouldn't be interested in her: yes, he was a bad guy, but he didn't fancy the idea of turning a still unborn child into an orphan.

"Of course not, Duffy, you're my –"

"Do ye just have to say _that _every time?"

* * *

"Done!" DNAmy sighed happily as she closed the box where she had stuffed a bunch of Cuddle Buddies. She had those ones double anyway, and she was sure Monty's child would love them – what child wouldn't, she thought a bit sadly as she picked out a Cuddle Buddy that had fallen from the box before she closed it. She didn't have any child of her own that could play with those, she thought with a sigh…well, not yet.

Amy smiled a little at the thought: oh, wouldn't that be wonderful, having a baby! Too bad she wasn't sure Duff would have wanted it – not so soon, at least. But if not now, she mused as she got out of the room, when? He wasn't _that_ young anymore, and neither she was. The more they waited, the less were the possibilities they could someday have a baby.

Maybe she should try to talk about it with Duff, she decided as she walked in their room. Killigan was already under the blankets, staring intently at the television. She bit her lower lip a tad nervously: she wasn't sure Duff would have liked the idea. It had been in her mind for a while now, but she had decided to wait for a better moment to suggest it. But now, after hearing the news from Monty…

"Honey bunny?" she called out a tad nervously, climbing on the bed next to him and leaning her head on his shoulder.

"What?" Killigan just said, still looking at the national golf match on the screen. He frowned a little – he should have been there to show all of them HOW to play golf, but no, they had to kick him out from the golf field – those idiots, they couldn't hit a ball with a baseball bat, let alone with a golf club!

"Well, I was thinking…" she began, but whatever she said next was lost to Killigan as he kept staring at match, just occasionally nodding.

"Aye, I agree," he said as she finished speaking, grinning inwardly as one of his old rivals on the golf field completely missed the hole. He was so busy smirking at the screen that he didn't notice how she was beaming – thus he was caught by surprise when Amy hugged him again, causing him to gasp for breath.

"Aw, I'm SO happy you want it, Duffy!" she exclaimed merrily, clapping her hands like a child who just got an early Christmas present "I was afraid you wouldn't want – but we can wait if it's too soon," she added, looking a bit worried.

Killigan – whose brain was deaf to whatever she was telling him – simply nodded again, still glancing at the television. "Och, whatever ye want," he said. He would later regret his words, but for now he was too concentrated on the golf match to even wonder _what_ exactly Amy had just suggested.

His concentration, anyway, was interrupted again by another embrace – a _real_ embrace, warm and soft and welcoming, not just the usual rib-cracking hug – and he knew well what that kind of embrace meant. Before his mind completely shut off, he reached out for the remote control and switched off the television.

After all, he could always learn what had happened from the next morning's news: he had something more important to take care of right now.

* * *

"Ye're _what_?!" Duff Killigan blurted, his eyes wide. His hand lingered in mid-air, still reaching for the salt.

Amy was literally beaming, and her smile was so wide that it seemed almost physically impossible. "Isn't it wonderful, honey bunny?" she chirped.

"Uh…" Killigan simply gawked at her for a few moments, his mind blank "…how did it happen?" was all he finally managed to mutter, his voice sounding oddly weak – which was most unusual.

She giggled. "Well, you see, sweetums, when a man and a woman…"

"I _know_ how it happened!" he bellowed, "I just…er…" he paused as he saw Amy's smile waver just a little.

"Aren't you glad, Duffy?" she asked, her voice trembling slightly. She suddenly seemed more unsure and frailer than he had ever seen her, and he suddenly felt something oddly close to panic.

"I…" he bit his tongue before he could say anything stupid he would regret "aye, sure," he finally said, a bit too quickly to be believable – but she didn't seem to notice "I'm just, uh…it WAS unexpected," he said almost defensively.

"Aw, but sweetie, it shouldn't be," she said with a gleeful chuckle, patting his shoulder with enough strength to make him yelp "I told you I would stop taking the due precautions so it could happen. You told me it was fine with you, remember?"

No, Duff couldn't remember anything like that, but he had little doubt she was telling the truth – it had probably been one of those times he just nodded to whatever she said without paying attention. He mentally kicked himself, taking a mental note to _always _listen to whatever she said at least twice before speaking or nodding or just doing _anything_ that could be even remotely taken as a 'yes'.

"Och, sure I remember," he lied "it just isn't something ye can just say over lunch like that…"

Amy grinned a little sheepishly. "Sorry, Duffy, I just couldn't wait," she said almost apologetically, giving him a hug – and Killigan felt like he didn't have enough strength left in him to squirm out of her grasp.

"Are you alright, honey?" she asked, a tad surprised by his lack of response – he hadn't even grimaced as he always did when she called him 'honey' or such.

"Aye, I'm fine," he said mechanically, getting up from the chair – he didn't feel like eating at all "going to play golf now. See ye later," he said numbly as he grabbed his gold bag. He actually doubted he could focus enough to play decently right now, but he just needed to get out as soon as possible.

"Of course – have fun, sweetums!" she cheerfully shrilled as he left the room. She turned her attention back to her lunch, humming to herself, a wide smile still on her face as she thought of all the stuff they would have to get ready for the baby – she just couldn't wait!

* * *

"AND DON'T COME BACK!" Killigan yelled as he threw another explosive golf ball to the retreating…whatever it was. He didn't know how he should call a mixture between a hippo and a beaver, nor he cared in any way – he just wanted those…_things _to stay away from his golf field. What was he thinking when he let Amy bring them on his island? He sighed. Oh, well – at least they were useful in a way: if anything, he have someone to rage against without having to feel guilty and make it up for it later.

_It's not like this is going to help. Ye're in trouble, lad._

Killigan grumbled to himself, absentmindedly swinging his golf club. "Aye, I'm in trouble," he said to no one in particular, then he paused, still staring at the golf club "…or not?" he thought aloud.

Alright, it _had _been rather shocking knowing that Amy was expecting, but now that he had taken it out on those creatures the shock had worn off and he had considerably clamed down…and that allowed him to think a tad more clearly.

After all, it wasn't like the world was ending: he could deal with Amy's creations already – a brat wouldn't be too much trouble in comparison, would it? Besides, who said it would necessarily be a bad thing? What the heck, _his _lass was bearing _his _kid: wasn't he supposed to be proud? Even though it wasn't exactly in his plans, it wasn't like he disliked the idea of continuing his bloodline: he had just never really thought about it before.

Besides, he thought as he glanced at his golf field, it would be fun having someone he could teach playing golf to – the idea his kid could not like golf didn't even cross his mind. Not to mention that he would have to leave both the island and the castle to someone someday, and the mere thought of leaving them to anyone but another Killigan was enough to make him grimace.

"Aye, maybe it won't be that bad," he said aloud, and he was almost surprised by how quickly he had come to accept it now that the shock had faded. Well, the idea the kid could turn out to be like Amy was somewhat scary – he wasn't sure he could deal with a younger version of DNAmy as well and still keep his sanity – but that didn't really worry him. From his grandmother's tales – the old lass had the tendency to start rambling about the clan's history after the third glass of whiskey – he knew that pretty much every single Killigan in _centuries _had always showed the same temper he had, men and women alike…and no matter what, _his _kid wouldn't be any different, he thought with a certain amount of pride. He would make sure of that.

His thoughts were interrupted by a low growl coming from his stomach. It looked like his appetite was back, he thought as he began walking to the castle, and so was his good mood. Aye, golf would have to wait: aside from lunch, there were other matters he had to take care of.

* * *

"Pookie bear?" Amy called as she peeked inside the room a tad surprised to see he was back already "I thought you were playing golf."

"Later, there's too much stuff to do," he muttered, looking for something inside a drawer "I was sure I had left it here…"

"What are you looking for?"

"A few phone numbers – I wrote them on some paper because I kept forgetting. I better start to get things ready."

Amy blinked. "Ready for what, sweetums?"

Killigan looked at her as if she had just asked the dumbest question he had ever heard in his life. "Och, what do ye think? For the wedding," he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world "I should still have my mother's wedding gown somewhere, but if ye want…what?" he asked as Amy kept staring at him as if he had just grown wings.

She just kept staring at him for a few moments before opening her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. She closed her mouth, blinked, and opened it again.

And then she shrieked.

"Oh, honey bunny!"

"Ouch!" Killigan gasped as DNAmy promptly flung her arms around his neck with such force that he lost his balance and fell on his back with her on him. "Och, lass, are ye trying to _kill_ me?" he protested, trying to get her off him or at least make her loosen her grip around his neck before he ran out of oxygen.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Duffy," she giggled as she unwillingly loosened her grip to let him up.

"Sure ye are," Killigan grumbled, cracking his back, but he was grinning a little as she hugged him again – thankfully not as forcefully as before.

"This is _so sweet_ of you! I thought you'd never ask," she blabbered happily, causing him to blink. Actually, he hadn't precisely _asked_ anything: he had simply assumed that, with a kid coming, it would only be obvious they would tie the knot. He was rather old-fashioned and traditional in that regard, and the idea they could simply keep living together as they were doing now even after the baby was born hadn't even crossed his mind.

Thankfully she didn't seem bothered at all by the fact he had pretty much decided they would get married without asking for her opinion, he thought with a slight stab of guilt, but he quickly chased the thought away from his mind. Alright, he hadn't exactly proposed properly, with a ring and some speech and all that stuff most women seemed to love, but she was happy anyway and that was the only thing that mattered.


	4. Random scenes: Bad Day and Bad Temper

_A/N: okay, here's another piece – little warning: I wrote this one around Christmas, so brace yourself for some sappiness and loads of Christmas-induce saccharine, at least towards the end. Other than that, I mostly had fun trying to picture what would happen should Killigan ever actually get fed up with Amy's attitude and habits. I__t's pretty much a given that he would lose his patience at some point since he has so little patience to begin with, and I couldn't resist to see if I could pull it off._

_

* * *

  
_

That day had definitely been a bad one. Not the worst ever, of course – nothing compared to being thrown in jail once again by Kim Possible and her dumb sidekick – but a bad day is still a bad day, no matter what, and Killigan was just this close to explode.

The trouble had begun around four in the morning, when Amy had gotten up to get something from the kitchen – how could she want to eat fried chicken in the middle of the night was beyond him, but he knew women can tend to crave for odd things at odd times when pregnant. To her credit, she had been quiet enough to not wake him up as she got out of the bed…too bad, in the dark she had stepped on that darn dogster-thing's tail, causing it to yelp and waking him up.

He couldn't honestly say if he had been more furious for being awakened like that at four in the morning or because Amy had let that freak inside the bedroom. She should just be glad that it was allowed to stay inside the castle, and he was certain he had been perfectly clear when he had told her that thing was to never get upstairs, let alone in his – their – bedroom.

He had rambled about that for a while, but Amy was apparently too busy cooing at that yelping freak and repeating that 'mommy would be more careful next time' to listen to him, which was just frustrating. He had eventually given up because he was too tired to even get mad, and he had eventually slept until afternoon – thus losing most of the time he had at his disposal to play golf since it would get too dark in barely a couple of hours. For a moment he had considered asking Amy why hadn't she woken him up, but he had decided against it: he had always told her to not wake him up while he was sleeping unless the castle was on fire or something, so he couldn't hold it against her.

He had eventually decided to skip lunch – there would be time to eat once it went dark – and to take advantage of the time he had left to play golf…only to discover that the rhinobunny had eaten at least half of his golf flags. Alright, he hadn't _seen_ it eating them, but of all Amy's creatures it was the only one he could picture doing that.

He had tried to find it to teach it a lesson, but that freak just wouldn't show up – it apparently wasn't SO stupid. Fine, he would get it back some other day anyway…but he would have really needed to take out his rage on _something_, Killigan thought with a grimace as he walked inside the castle, his already foul mood getting worse with every passing moment.

The sight that greeted his eyes as soon as he stepped inside the living room definitely didn't help.

For a moment he just stood there, briefly wondering if he was in the right castle and in the right island, the his gaze fell on his own portrait hanging upon the couch. Yes, that was his living room…but for once he really, really wished it wasn't.

Everything – absolutely _everything_, ceiling included – was covered with Christmas decorations, and the few parts of the room that weren't were just covered with Christmas lights. Killigan blinked a couple of times, annoyed by the light's constant blinking, and he felt something awfully close to panic as he wondered just what kind of electricity bill he would get if he didn't turn them off _now_. What the heck was that lass thinking? When had she found those? How in the world had she managed to get them on the _ceiling_? Why…?

"Oh, you're back already!" the lass in question said as she got back inside the living room, her arms full of other decorations "isn't it cute?"

Killigan opened his mouth to speak, but it seemed like words failed him. "What…?"

"It's just a week to Christmas, remember?" she said, looking impossibly gleeful at the thought "so I thought it was time to start…are you alright, pookie bear?" she asked, a little worried as he saw his gritting his teeth, his face reddening with fury.

No, he wasn't alright, not at all – that had been the last straw. "I had told ye _no redecorating_, lass," he barked, "not _ever_!"

"But, pookie bear, it's just for Christmas," she chirped, apparently oblivious of how mad he currently was – she always seemed to be oblivious when he was angry for whatever reason, and the thought was now even more maddening than usual.

"I don't _care_!" he snapped "no exceptions, lass – I want ye to get this junk out of my sight!"

Amy frowned slightly, finally taking him a little more seriously. A little. "Now, don't get all grumpy," she chided him "it's just for –"

"I don't give a damn of what it is for! Everytime I let ye make an exception, ye take advantage of it," he shouted "just like those darn nicknames ye keep using, and that stupid dogster this morning, and that blasted rhinosomething, and…and…and all those others _freaks_ ye keep creating and that I _hate_! I shouldn't have allowed them on this island – I shouldn't have allowed _ye_ on this island!"

As soon as he finished speaking, Killigan realized he had gone too far. He promptly shut his mouth, but the damage had been done and he could only bite his tongue as he stared at her, waiting for a reaction. It wasn't the first time he snapped at her, it had happened countless times before – but this time he knew he had crossed the line.

Amy looked at him with a hurt and almost scared expression, her lower lip quivering for a few moments before she frowned – a _real_ angry frown, Killigan as astonished to notice as she took a step forward, her index finger stabbing his chest almost forcefully.

"You…!" she muttered, each word underlined by another rather painful jab "you are the biggest…the biggest _meanie_ in the whole wide world!" she accused him, her lips pulled in a tight line. He expected her to add something, but her lower lip suddenly began quivering once again as if she was about to cry, and Killigan felt an almost painful twinge of guilt. He would rather have her keep yelling at him rather than watching her weep. He had never seen her crying – he probably had never even seen her _sad_ for whatever reason since their first…meeting at the villain convention – and he doubted he would be able to stand it.

"Lass…" he began, but he was cut off as she turned from him and rushed out of the room, slamming the door closed behind her and leaving him alone, still standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by those awful decorations.

_Great job, lad. Feeling better now?_

No, he didn't feel better: he had simply turned a fairly bad day into the apotheosis of all bad days. But what the heck, she had it coming! He had told her to not 'redecorate' any part of his castle, and that the dogster thing should stay outside the room and…and…

…and that still wasn't a good reason to tell her those things. And she was expecting too, he thought with another stab of guilt – she was in the fourth month already, and he had yelled at her for something stupid like Christmas decorations. Killigan sighed, dropping his shoulders and mentally cursing himself for not biting his tongue off before speaking

But maybe it wasn't so bad; maybe she just needed some time to calm down, and then he could…apologize? No, not apologize – it would be a very, very cold day in hell when he would _apologize_ to anyone – just explain he didn't _really_ mean what he had said. Aye, that was it. It wasn't like anything serious had happened, right?

Right?

He uneasily glanced at the decorations around him, barely able to believe he had done such a mess for _that_. "Oh, what the hell," he finally muttered to no one in particular, getting out of the room to look for Amy.

* * *

Killigan took a deep breath before knocking on the door of Amy's lab – as he had expected, she had locked herself in there. "Lass?" he called, not quite sure of what he would say next.

The door muffled her voice, but it didn't take him much guesswork to understand she was crying. "Go away!"

"Och, I'm not getting anywhere until ye get out--" he trailed off, realizing it sounded too much like an order or a threat "…until we speak," he corrected himself.

"I don't want to speak with you," she replied, suddenly sounding much like an outraged kid who refuses to play with a nasty classmate that just broke her toy.

"I have all the time I need, lass," Killigan grumbled, leaning against the wall "and I'm not moving from here. Ye'll have to get out sooner or later."

"If you don't go away, I…I…"

"Ye what?"

"I'll create a nasty creature and send it after you," she finally said "I have all I need to do so here!"

Killigan's eyes widened. "Ye wouldn't!"

"Don't try me."

He gritted his teeth – it was more difficult than he had anticipated. "Lass, I just want to _speak_."

"You spoke enough already," she sniffled, turning away from the door and holding her Otterfly closer to her chest. She could barely believe Duffy had said all those mean things – she had always thought that deep inside he was a good-hearted guy despite his grumpiness and rough attitude, but maybe she had been wrong. Why had he snapped at her like that? She was just trying to get the Christmas decorations in place. It was important to her since it was the first Christmas they spent together – wasn't it important to him? Apparently not, since he said he regretted letting her on the island to begin with. She sniffled again, but she didn't start crying again – it wouldn't make any good to her child, and the last thing she wanted was to harm the baby in any way.

There was a brief silence from the other side of the door, and for a moment Amy wondered if he had left already, then: "Lass?"

She bit her lower lip and held the Otterfly tighter, refusing to reply.

"…Amy?"

She blinked. "What?" she asked before she could help it. As far as she could remember, Duff had used her name only a few times before…if he ever had. She had never given it much thought, but now it somewhat surprised her that he was calling her 'Amy' rather than 'lass' as he always did.

Killigan hesitated before going on. He rarely apologized – did he ever apologize at all? – and the thought of doing so didn't exactly thrill him…

_Aye, but ye said something awfully stupid and hurt her. There aren't many cases in which ye should apologize, but this is one of those._

He sighed. "Look, what I told ye…I didn't mean it, alright?"

"You didn't?" he heard her asking through the door. She seemed relieved and hopeful, but still somewhat hesitant.

"Not a single word," he said. Alright, those nicknames could annoy the crap out of him, and he wasn't exactly fond on her plushies, or on those freaks she created, and…well, he could probably think of a lots of things that annoyed him, but that was not the right moment. And anyway, he could _try_ to stand them if they made her happy, couldn't he? "C'mon, lass, ye know me! I say stupid things when I get mad…"

"You said _awful_ things this time," she pointed out, but she didn't sound as angry as she had before.

"Aye, I did," he admitted, feeling once again guilty "I'm, uh…sorry about that," he forced himself to add.

Amy blinked, nearly dropping her Otterfly. "You…what?" she repeated, astonished. Since _when_ did he apologize? Had he hit his head or something?

Killigan gritted his teeth – he had hoped he wouldn't have to repeat it again. "I said I'm sorry, lass."

"What?"

"I'm sorry," he unwillingly repeated, this time a little louder.

"I didn't hear you."

"I'm--" he trailed off as he heard something remarkably similar to a giggle coming from the lab "wait a minute – ye _heard_ me, lass!" he protested, feeling both annoyed and somewhat relieved by how she had tricked him into apologizing again.

Amy chuckled a little. "The first time I didn't believe my ears."

"Aye, right. Don't get used to it," he said with a brief snicker "er…are ye getting out now?" he asked, and he held back a small sigh of relief as Amy unlocked the door and opened it a little, smiling somewhat sheepishly.

"I overreacted, uh?"

_No, I've just been an idiot._

"Just a wee little bit," he said, causing her to giggle and throw her arms around his neck, leaning her head on his chest – she was slightly more careful with those rib-cracking hugs of hers lately, he noticed. Maybe it was because of the pregnancy.

"I'm sorry, honey bunny – but for a moment I really thought you didn't want me here."

"Ye shouldn't have believed me," he said with a shrug, holding her just a tad closer "and if I say something like that again, smack me."

"Oh, don't say that – you know I wouldn't do it for real," she said with a chuckle, apparently oblivious of how much those jabs she had given him had _hurt_ "do you want me to take down the decorations?" she suddenly asked, looking a little unsure "maybe it _is_ a bit too much…"

"Och, who the heck cares," Killigan shrugged "leave them there – I don't want ye to start climbing on a ladder to take them down," he added, glancing down at her stomach.

"But pookie bear, it's not a problem at all yet," she said, and it was true – unsurprisingly enough, her shape hadn't changed at all though she was already four months expecting. No one would have guessed by looking at her.

"Whatever – they can stay there for now, I'll take them down after Christmas. Just…let's shut off those lights sometimes, alright?"

"You're the sweetest," she cooed, hugging him tighter and causing Killigan grimace a little – but he also gave a silent sigh of relief. Thankfully things had gone for the better…yet he still felt a nudge of guilt. Maybe he would make up or that mess later, he decided – there was still a week left to Christmas, after all. He would think of something.

* * *

"Shouldn't we be waiting until tomorrow morning, pookie bear?" Amy asked with a giggle, apparently amused by his impatience – he really behaved like an impatient kid sometimes. She briefly wondered if the baby would just as impatient, and she giggled a little at the thought, absentmindedly caressing her stomach.

"Not in this castle, lass," Killigan replied with a grin, glancing at the clock. He had the habit of opening the gifts as soon as the clock rang midnight since when he was a wee laddie: he was always so impatient that his grandmother eventually allowed him to stay up until midnight to open them – technically, it would be Christmas already. His father had probably tried to protest a couple of times, but he always gave in easily when it was his own mother to say something: he would never admit it, but it was the old lass who truly ruled the island, and she had always had a soft spot for Duff. To be quite honest, she had spoiled him rotten.

"Midnight!" Amy said cheerfully as the clock finally chimed "Merry Christmas, Duffy," she said, handling him her gift with some difficulties. Killigan had to hold back an amused chuckle, wondering what was the point in wrapping it in that awful pink paper when he could see from a mile away it was a golf set – but he immediately got what the surprise was once he finished unwrapping it.

"What the…och, lass, just how much did ye spend for it?" he asked, bewildered as he observed the golf set – not just 'a golf set', but probably one of the best golf sets available.

"It's not polite to say a gift's price," she scolded him, pleased to see he obviously liked the present.

"Aye, that's true. Thanks, lass," he grinned as he swung one of the golf clubs – the balance was perfect. He just couldn't wait to try them out!

"I'm so glad you like it, pookie bear," she cooed, hugging him and nearly cracking his spine in the process "I really know nothing about golf, so I just walked in the store and asked for the best – ohh, what is this?" she giggled as he handled her a small package.

"Och, it would be too easy this way," he grinned "ye have to open it," he said, bracing himself for the squeal that was sure to follow…and he wasn't disappointed on that regard.

"_Oh, honey bunny!"_

"Ow! Easy, lass – I only got these ribs. No spare parts."

She gave him an apologetic grin as she pulled back, her face gloating as she observed the object in her hands – a small miniature of an Otterfly like the one she had around her neck, to be worn as a brooch. She knew they were awfully expensive and that only a few of those had been made for the twentieth anniversary of the creation of the first Cuddle Buddy. How _could_ Duff get his hands on one of those was beyond her…then again, he _did_ have his connections.

"How did you know about this?" she asked excitedly, putting the brooch on.

"Considering that ye've been talking about that thing for a month since when it came out, it wasn't hard to guess," he said, and she giggled again as she gave him another hug.

"Thank you _so_ much, sweetums – it was so sweet of you…!" she chirped, causing him to roll his eyes "and you keep saying you're not swee--" she trailed off as Killigan efficiently silenced her by bringing his mouth down to hers. It was the trick she often used to make him shut up when he got carried away with his ramblings or when he was starting to get mad about something, and he had rarely used her own trick on her – it was unusual, but it wasn't like she minded. Not at all.

Especially since they were standing under the mistletoe.


	5. Random scenes: Baby Names

_A/N: another random scene. And I mean…random. What's more random than a conversation about baby names, I ask XD I was about to just post the 'baby names' bit, but I decided it would be just __**too**__ random, so I posted another scene as well. I mean, if nothing really __**happened **__aside from some talk about names, there would have been really little point in posting it after all.  
...as if the whole thing really HAD a point at all XD  
_

_

* * *

  
_

"Duffy?"

"…"

"Pookie bear?" Amy called out, shaking him.

"Uh…" Killigan mumbled something in his sleep as he rolled over "no, no, ye have to swing it this way…"

"Duff!" she called again, this time louder.

"Eh?" Killigan croaked, finally opening his eyes. He had to blink a couple of times before he managed to see Amy's face smiling down at him in the dim light. "Och, what the-- what time is it?" he asked groggily. Keeping his eyes open costed him so much effort that he could have sworn each eyelid weighted a ton.

"Five in the morning, I think," Amy said cheerfully.

"_What?" _Killigan nearly shouted, bolting upright and turning to glance at the clock – yes, it was five in the morning. Fine, that was it – if she had been looking for trouble, she had just found it. She knew waking him up because she was up for some cuddling was anything but a good idea, and waking him up at that ungodly hour _really_ was asking for trouble.

"What the heck are ye _thinking_, lass?" he protested, turning to look at her, but he stopped talking and blinked again as she noticed the absolutely delighted expression "…what?" he muttered confusedly as she suddenly hugged him, causing a loud cracking noise to come from his spine. "Ouch! Easy!" he yelped, somewhat surprised – due to her pregnancy, Amy had been much more careful with those hugs lately "_what the…?_"

"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie," she smiled a little sheepishly, her grip loosening "but I was just so happy, and I couldn't wait to let you know!"

"Uh?" Killigan could already feel an awful headache building up in his skull "let me know what? What are ye talking about?"

Amy giggled, but instead of replying she grabbed his hand and put it on her stomach. Killigan opened his mouth to ask if she had lost her mind or something, but whatever he was about to say died in his throat as he saw – well, he _felt_ – the reason why Amy was so excited. The baby was kicking – it was weak, sure, but it simply couldn't be mistaken.

"Isn't it wonderful, honey bunny? The baby just began kicking, and I woke up, and I couldn't wait to tell you!" she chattered happily, apparently oblivious of the fact Killigan was currently too stunned to actually process anything she was saying.

"Er…" Killigan blinked, shaking his head a little as he tried to think clearly and as he felt the child kicking again "aye, it's…it's…" he paused, then he frowned "doesn't that _hurt_?"

"Oh, don't be silly, of course it doesn't – and the baby is still so small, it wouldn't hurt anyway," she said with a giggle, clearly amused by his question "can you feel it?"

Killigan nodded, a wide stupid grin widening on his face against his own will. "Aye," he said, without removing his hand from stomach, the he frowned again. "It stopped," he said somewhat worriedly.

On the other hand, Amy just chuckled again. "But of course, pookie bear – babies can't kick all the time," she said, giving him a peck on his cheek "and they don't kick much at this point anyway."

He seemed reassured as he reluctantly took away his hand from her belly – after all, she surely knew more than he did on the subject. "Oh," he cleared his throat a little embarrassedly – it wasn't like him getting worried like that "right."

"Ooh, looks like someone got worried," she cooed, grinning just a little.

Killigan scowled. "I'm not," he protested, folding his arms and leaning back down "I was curious, that's it."

"Sure," Amy said with a wink "you know, you look cute when you're worried…"

"I was _not _worried," Killigan grumbled "and I'm not…cute," he grimaced.

"Aw, but you _are_--"

"_Lass!"_

Amy giggled. "No need to get all grumpy," she said, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Och, ye can't expect me to be _glad _when ye wake me up at five in the morning," he grunted, but he put an arm around her waist, his hand briefly resting on her stomach as if to check again. No more kicking.

She smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry, pookie bear, but I just couldn't wait to tell you," she said, snuggling a tad closer "you're not angry, are you?"

"Not this time," he said vaguely, smirking a little "it's not yer fault if the brat decided to be a pain now."

"Duffy!"

"I was just _kidding_, lass," Killigan rolled his eyes "it's not yer fault if the kid began kicking now. Better?"

Amy chuckled. "Yes, a lot better," she said, giving him a peck on the cheek and ignoring his grumbling about how touchy she had gotten about the child. "Honey bunny?" she called again after a brief silence.

"What?" he opened his eyes again, slightly annoyed. Alright, the kid had begun kicking and it was great, but it was still five in the morning, and sleeping didn't seem _such _a bad idea to him.

"We still haven't thought of a name."

"And we have to do it _now_? There are still months left!"

Amy pouted. "Why not?" she asked in a whiny voice, and Killigan knew she just wouldn't leave him alone until they discussed about a name at least for a while.

"Alight," he said with a sigh, trying to think of something – it wasn't like thinking up baby names had ever been among his pastimes after all "how about Wallace?"

She blinked. "Wallace?"

"Aye. What's wrong with that?"

She shrugged. "Nothing, it's just…" she was pretty sure she had heard it already, and for some reason it didn't make her think of anything nice "why did you think about it first?"

"Have ye ever heard of William Wallace?"

Amy shuddered. "Oh, yes – but wasn't he captured and executed during some war against England?"

"Aye. He was hanged, drawn and quar--"

She immediately shook her head, looking nearly horrified. "Oh, no! I don't want our baby to be named after someone who was slaughtered!" she protested, causing Killigan to shift a little uncomfortably – he had to admit that it didn't seem much of a good idea put that way.

"Fine, fine, I'll think of something else," he thought for a few moments "how about Golf?"

Amy blinked, then she laughed. "Oh, that's a good one – I almost believed it for a moment!"

"I'm serious – there _are_ people who are named like that, ye know," Killigan said almost defensively.

"Don't be silly – we cant' name a baby boy after a sport! Other children make fun of him!"

Killigan snorted. "They'd just have to _try_."

She shook her head. "Duffy, we're _not_ going to name out baby Golf," she said firmly, pursuing her lips, and Killigan sighed – it was clears she wasn't about to change her mind.

"Fine, fine," he muttered, scratching his chin in thought "Lachlan?" he finally suggested.

Amy blinked. "Did you make this up?" she asked, clearly puzzled.

"No, it was my old man's name."

"Old man?"

"My father."

"Oh," she said a tad awkwardly before falling silent for a few moments.

"Och, lass, if ye don't like it I won't bite," Killigan said with a snicker, causing her to chuckle.

"Sorry, honey bunny, it just sounds so _odd_," she said almost apologetically.

"Aye, ye have a point," he grinned a little as he remembered how often his old man complained about it being like the sound of coughing up a fur ball, then he frowned in thought once again – didn't he always use his middle name so people wouldn't misspell it or crack some stupid joke? Yes, he was pretty sure he did…what was his middle name again? "How about Douglas?" Killigan finally asked.

Amy seemed to be pondering for a moment or two – it sounded a lot better than the previous ones. "Douglas," she repeated, then she smiled "I like it!"

"Douglas it is then," Killigan said with a grin, holding her just a little closer before yawning, glad he had solved the matter relatively quickly "how about _sleeping _now? I have to get up before--"

"Wait," Amy trailed him off, looking up at him with a slight pout "we haven't decided a name for a girl yet!"

"Uh?" Killigan blinked – the thought he kid could be a lassie hadn't even crossed his mind, but she did have a point. "Right," he said, frowning a little as he tried to think of something. For a moment he thought 'Caddie' would make a fine name for a lassie, but he quickly changed his mind – he doubted Amy would agree to have the child named as someone whose job is carrying a golfer's bag. He shrugged, unable to think of any name he liked for a wee lassie at the moment. "Yer turn, lass – I already thought of a name for a laddie."

Amy giggled. "You're just being lazy," she teased him a little, but she was clearly happy she could choose the name for a girl, Killigan thought somewhat worriedly – oh, well, he could always stop her if she thought of some overly cheesy and embarrassing name.

"I'm sleepy – do I have to remind ye it's five in the morning?" he grumbled.

She looked up to glance at the clock. "It's five thirty now, pookie bear."

He rolled his eyes. "Aye, this changes a _lot_."

"Oh, don't start getting all grumpy again," she mildly chided him before falling silent for a couple of minutes, thinking about a name. "How about Alice?" she finally asked.

Killigan – who was fully expecting her to come up with some terribly sugary and embarrassing name – blinked in surprise as she suggested a perfectly normal and reasonable name. "Alice?" he repeated. Well, that didn't sound too bad at all.

"Yes – there is no reason in particular, I just like it – it's such a cute name," she said with a shrug before hopefully glancing at him "what do you think, Duffy?"

He nodded, a small smirk on his face as he mused how odd it was that _Amy_ had been the one to come with an alright name for the child at the first attempt. Had someone told him a few minutes before, he would have laughed. "Aye, why not?" he said, and he let out a gasp as she hugged him tightly "Ow! Lass, that _hurts_!" he complained, wondering how much it would take for his ribcage to just give in. It surely wouldn't be pleasant.

"I'm really glad you like it, honey bunny," she chirped before pausing in thought "you know, I think I read somewhere that Alice can also be a boy name…"

…oh, well, it had seemed too good to be true.

"Aye, let's give our kid a sexual identity crisis," Killigan said sarcastically, ignoring the fact that wearing something most of the world seemed to think of as some kind of dress wouldn't exactly help either "there is no way I'm naming a laddie Alice, lass. It's a lassie's name – _that_ would get other kids to mock him."

Amy had to admit he was right. "Alright, sweetums – if it's a boy, we'll name him Douglas. Alice for a girl."

"Aye, we've got a deal," the golfer yawned "can we _sleep_ now?"

"Oh, right – I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep you awake so long," she said apologetically, leaning back on the pillow and sounding just a tad disappointed – it was clear she wouldn't have minded some cuddling.

He shrugged. "Whatever," he said gruffly, rolling over his side and facing away form her with a smirk – he was sure it was just a matter of moments before she began asking for cuddling anyway, and maybe he wouldn't have her waiting too much before giving in. Besides, the sooner he made her happy, the sooner she would stop bothering him and let him sleep, right? He closed his eyes and waited. And waited. And _waited_.

"Lass?" he finally called with a slight frown a few minutes later.

"Yes, pookie bear?"

So, she _was_ awake. Why wasn't she bugging him for attention? "Nothing, I thought ye were sleeping," he said, turning to glance to her. She was resting on her side, her hands on her belly and a happy smile on her face – all her thoughts were clearly for the baby right now, and Killigan felt an irrational pang of jealousy.

Amy chuckled. "Oh, I'm so excited that I simply cannot sleep," she said with a smile "but I didn't want to bother you – you said you want to sleep," she paused "don't you?" she added innocently.

He snorted. "Aye, sure I do," he muttered, but he kept staring up at the ceiling with a frown on his face.

Amy had to hold back a giggle at his grumpy expression – poor Duffy, she thought, she was really being a meanie. Well, maybe that was enough – she couldn't actually expect him to _ask_ for cuddling, could she?

"Pookie bear?" she cooed, leaning her head on his chest and causing Killigan to grin just for a second before he quickly put up an annoyed expression. He had a reputation to maintain after all.

"Not _now_, lass!" he grunted, but much to her delight he was rather quick to put an arm around her shoulders. She smiled, snuggling a tad closer, and her smile widened as she felt another small, almost imperceptible movement in her belly.

She just couldn't wait for the baby to be born.

* * *

**Four months later.**

Killigan grimaced a little as his head throbbed. Well, of course it throbbed: he had hit it on the ground while he had stumbled – he refused, absolutely _refused_ to think he had really _fainted_ as that stupid nurse had said, though he knew it was true – in the delivery room. The nurse had even told him he should just stay in his room instead of getting up – as if she actually thought he was going to just stay there while his lass and kid were in another room! She had eventually decided to let him out after he threatened to tear the whole hospital apart if necessary. Smart lass.

"Oh, Duffy, you're awake!" Amy's gleeful shrill greeted him as he opened the door, and he gave a sigh of relief. Alright, he _had_ been told both her and the girl – he had barely managed to suppress a slight stab of disappointment when he had known it wasn't a lad – were doing perfectly fine, yet…

"Aye," he said, swallowing a little as he approached to the bed and sat on the chair next to it, his eyes lingering on the small bundle in Amy's arms just for a moment "it was a bad blow, I tell ye," he said almost apologetically. He still couldn't believe it – wasn't he supposed to be the strong one? And he had simply fainted like some frail lassie, leaving Amy alone to deal with the whole thing. Alright, there were the doctor and some nurse with her, but it wasn't the same thing. Had he been in Amy's place – and he was really glad he hadn't, since giving birth seemed a darn painful and messy business to him – he would have been mad.

"Poor honey bunny," she giggled a little. She was clearly tired, but at the same times she was just beaming with joy…only in a different way than usual, he thought. She did look somewhat like this whenever she created some new creature in her lab, but that seemed nothing compared to the glee on her tired face now. "Isn't she the cutest thing?" she chirped, happier than he has ever seen her, her smile widening even more as she looked at the small bundle in her arms.

"Uh…" was all Killigan managed to mutter as he looked at his daughter for the first time, whatever disappointment he had felt upon knowing it wasn't a laddie completely vanishing as he kept his eyes fixed on what was definitely the smallest human being he had ever seen in his life.

Alice was sleeping, her little legs moving in her sleep, her tiny fists clenched. He couldn't see her eyes since they were shut – he remembered hearing that children's eye colour usually isn't clear after birth anyway, though he had no idea of where had he heard it – and there was a tuft of smooth, rusty red hair on her head.

"Aye, she's a wee lassie," Killigan finally heard himself saying, a grin widening on his face. He reached out to touch Alice's cheek with a rough finger, and he winced as the baby's eyes snapped open and she suddenly wailed, causing him to grit his teeth and cover his ears with his hands. _"What the heck…?"_

"Aw, she's awake!" Amy exclaimed, looking absolutely delighted "now, now, don't be a naughty girl…!"

"Aye, I heard that," Killigan grunted as he glanced back at the child, a bit surprised by how quickly she had calmed down as Amy spoke.

"Oh, I bet she wants to see her dad!" Amy chuckled and held her just a few inches from Killigan's face, and he was faintly amused to see something incredibly similar to a scowl on the baby's face – and he immediately recognized that _don't-mess-with-me_ kind of scowl he saw everytime he looked up on old family pictures or just looked in the mirror pretty much every morning.

"Och, she's a Killigan, that's for sure," Duff snickered a little as he took the infant – she was so small that she could stay comfortably enough in his cupped hands.

"What did you say, honey bunny?"

"Nothing," he said just, the grin still on his face "…what?" he asked with a puzzled frown as Amy began giggling again.

"It's nothing, sweetums, it's just…oh, you look so _cute_!" she almost squealed, apparently amused to no end at the sight of the rough golfer carefully holding a baby.

Said golfer groaned upon being called 'cute', wondering if it was normal for a woman that had given birth barely hours before being so lively and bubbly. "Och, lass, aren't ye supposed to be _tired_?"

Amy gave him a sheepish smile as she took Alice in her arms again. The infant squirmed a little, but she fell back in a slumber quickly enough – what the heck, being born is a tiring business. "Well, I _am_ a little tired," she admitted "but I had to feed Alice a while back, and – "

"Isn't there any nurse or something around here? This is a _hospital_," Killigan grumbled, looking at the closed door "aren't they supposed to take care of her until she has to be fed again?"

"Well, yes, but I asked them to let me keep her with me," she said, almost apologetically "they didn't want to, but I insisted – I wanted to keep her just a tad more. Isn't she beautiful?" she added almost dreamily.

"Ye should sleep," Killigan said, frowning a little and getting up from the chair "I better call a nurse and –"

"Oh, but I'm not _that_ tired, Duffy," Amy almost pleaded, "I can stay awake for a tad more."

"Aye, ye _are_ that tired – it's not like they're going to skin her alive or something, ye know. Taking care of brats is what they do."

She pouted a little. "Alice if not a brat!" she protested, protectively holding her closer.

Killigan held back a groan. "I wasn't talking about her, I…well, that's not the point. Ye have to sleep now."

"But, sweetums…"

"_Now."_

Amy held his gaze just for a few moments before sighing – truth to be told, she really was tired. "You're right, pookie bear, but I don't want to leave her with some stranger…"

"I'll keep her," Killigan said almost exasperatedly as he reached to take the baby, who thankfully didn't wake up, and sat back on the chair next to her bed "see? It's fine."

"Aw, thanks! That's sweet of you," she cooed, resting back on the pillow "but what if she starts crying…?"

"Och, I doubt ye would miss it," Killigan said with a grimace, causing her to laugh.

"You must think I'm just silly to get worried like that…"

"Aye, a little," he said with a grin, and she chuckled before closing her eyes with a happy sigh. "Ye know –" Killigan began after a few moments, but he trailed off as he saw she was sleeping already. Well, now _that_ had been fast for someone who wasn't that tired, he mused as he leant back on the chair and glanced down to his daughter as she slept, her small hand holding a handful of his shirt.

Aye, it had been a tiring day for both of them, he thought, feeling a little uncomfortable as he thought of how he had simply passed out in the delivery room. He would do something to make up for it later, he decided. Killigan tensed a little as Alice squirmed, but she didn't wake up. He snickered as her grip on his shirt tightened – she had a strong grip, that was sure, and he could only be glad for that: a good grip is essential for a golfer, after all. Killigan grinned.

He just couldn't wait to start teaching her the basics.


	6. Random scenes: Bundle of Trouble

_A/N: yet another bunch of silly humor. It was fun to write, but it made me realize that writing about babies is hard and almost as unnerving as having to deal with real ones XD_

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* * *

  
_

"Are ye sure this is normal?" Killigan asked – no, he _shouted_ – over his daughter's wailing. He knew shouting wasn't exactly a good idea if he wanted her to stop bawling, but there really wasn't any other way for Amy to hear him otherwise. That wee lassie definitely had some lungs, and she apparently liked using them to make sure _everybody_ in a mile would know just how displeased she was.

And she was displeased by a rather big amount of things, he mused. Not that it surprised him considering that she _was_ a Killigan after all, but after the fifth week with pretty much no sleep he wasn't sure he still thought of it as something _that_ positive.

"Oh, sure it is. You're just a loud baby, aren't you, cutie?" Amy chirped, apparently unsettled by Alice's wailing as she took her in her arms – as for himself, Killigan was most relieved by the fact he could use his hands to cover his ears instead.

"Lass, I am the one who asked – why are ye replying to _her_?" he demanded to know as she tried – without much success so far – to shush the child "she can't even get what ye're saying!"

"No need to get all jealous again," she chided him before immediately turning back to Alice "aw, sugar pie, don't be a naughty girl – you look a lot cuter when you smile!"

"Ye've seen her _smiling _and didn't take a shot?" Killigan asked somewhat sarcastically.

"Don't be silly, Duffy, you know she's too young to smile yet," Amy said, stopping her fussing over Alice just for a moment.

"But she's old enough to _wail_."

"Don't get all cranky as well, honey bunny, I'm just trying to calm her down."

"Aye, too bad it isn't working," he said with a grimace "do ye think she's hungry?"

"Oh, no, she just ate," Amy said, ignoring the fact 'drinking' would probably be a better term to describe her feeding process "and she doesn't need to be changed either. She just had her daily bath."

"So she's just bawling for the heck of it?" Killigan grunted.

She pouted. "That makes it sound so harsh – she just wants our attention. Don't you, sweetie?" she chirped, causing him to roll his eyes as Alice kept bawling.

"Aye, and she _got_ it. What does she want _now_?" he muttered, but Amy didn't hear him over the wailing.

"Ohh, lookie here, cutie pie!" she shrilled instead, waving one of those…those…plushies of hers in front of her daughter's face…with the only result of making her cry louder. But honestly, Killigan thought with a grimace, what wee lassie wouldn't cry when some kind of mixture between a rhino and a squirrel is waved in front of their eyes?

"Och, put that thing away," he said, glancing at it in disgust "she doesn't like it!"

"Don't be silly, sure she does," she insisted almost defensively, and Killigan faintly wondered if she could _really_ be oblivious of the fact Alice was trying to raise her arms as if to shield herself from that thing's sight, her wailing getting – if possible – even louder and almost _angry_.

Then again, she could really be oblivious: she wasn't exactly perceptive on that kind of things, he mused as he glanced in distaste at the pink sleep suit Alice was wearing. He had absolutely refused to get into any baby store and thus he had left everything in Amy's hands, but maybe it had been a mistake. For some reason, he was pretty sure that if only Alice could talk she would have protested for that horrid, ribbons-filled, bright pink…_thing_ her mother had bought her. It even had a small hood with bunny ears. What had she been thinking when she bought it anyway?

"Lass, ye're keeping that…that…_thing_ too close to her face," he said, trying his best to stay quiet and not snap, an awful headache building up in his skull. He held up his hands to take that stupid plushie and keep it away from Alice, but Amy clearly misunderstood his intentions.

"Oh, right – I better get the cutest one, I bet she'll like it! Let me go to get it," she exclaimed, immediately handling the screaming baby to him.

He blinked. "Uh?" he muttered, glancing down at Alice, and he suddenly felt something oddly close to panic as he realized Amy was about to leave him alone in the same room with the bawling child: in five weeks, he had always been careful to never having to deal with the baby himself. He didn't know what to _do _around a baby anyway! "Wait a minute, lass! Ye can't just leave it to me! I don't know…how to…" he gradually lowered his voice and finally paused as he realized that, indeed, there was no need to shout anymore for Amy to hear him. And there was no need to shout because Alice had…well, stopped crying. She was just hiccupping a little now, her face still reddened, staring up at him as if he were some odd creature she had just found napping in her crib. "...what?"

"Aww, how did you make her stop?" Amy asked, looking absolutely delighted as Alice apparently decided her father wasn't worth that much attention after all and put her thumb in her mouth, absentimindedly gazing ahead.

"Er…I don't know," Killigan blinked, glancing down at the child "she just stopped."

Amy giggled. "See? She likes you!" she said, giving him a pat on his back that almost made him drop Alice...who, in the other hand, was falling in a slumber surprisigly quickly. It looked like bawling all day long was a tiring business after all.

"Aye, right," Killigan said gruffly, but he was grinning a little as he looked down at the now napping baby again. Alright, maybe the fact his sight was enough to make Alice fall asleep wasn't _that_ flattering, but it would surely be useful should she start bawling again in the middle of the night.

"This calls for a picture!" Amy exclaimed, reaching for a small camera she always had with her since the day Alice was born.

"Wha…? Forget it, lass! I'm Duff Killigan! I don't take shots with wee babies!" he protested, trying to handle the infant back at her.

"Stop being silly, you look adorable!"

"_I don't!_"

"Yes, you do!"

Killigan gritted his teeth. "That's not the point – I have a _reputation_, ye know," he muttered. He knew all too well that Amy just wouldn't be able to just keep the picture to herself: if she let her take a shot, he was sure she would show it to anyone she knew in no time. It had only taken her a few days to make sure the whole villain community would know he had fainted in the delivery room when Alice was born, he thought resentfully. He was never going to be able to show if face out of the island for _years_…!

Amy pouted. "But she's your daughter, you have to take at least one picture with her!" she protested "she is five weeks old already, and you still haven't!"

"Aye, I will – when she gets older!" he said. Last thing he needed was giving everyone another good reason to have a good laugh at his expenses at the next villain convention.

"But, honey bunny…"

"When. She's. Older."

Amy seemed about to protest, but she just sighed. "Alright, pookie bear, when she's older," she said, lowring the camera "besides, the stain on your kilt would have ruined the picture."

"Eh? What stain?" Killigan glanced down at his kilt "I don't see any--"

CLICK!

"What the…? That's it, lass, ye're in trouble!" Killigan barked as Amy giggled and ran out of the room with the camera. He grunted – such a stupid trick, and he had complied just like a wee laddie! "I hope she won't show it to the world," Killigan muttered to no one in particular, this time keeping his voice lower – if Alice hadn't woken up when he had shouted at Amy she probably wouldn't wake up _now_…but it was always better to not take risks, he mused as he put her back in her crib. She squirmed a little in her sleep, but thankfully she didn't wake up. Killigan doubted he would be able to stay sane if she did.

He turned to get out of the room and stop Amy before she could put that blasted picture on the Internet or something equally stupid, but he stopped on the doorway. He couldn't quite tell why, but for some reason he had the distinct feeling he was forgetting something. He scratched his chin in throught.

…oh, right. Killigan glanced around to make sure Amy wasn't there – last thing he needed was having her taking another embarrassing picture – then he walked back to the crib and quickly pulled the baby blanked over the sleeping child before finally stomping outside to find Amy. He wasn't kidding when he said she was in trouble, and that was the _last _time she got to hold a camera anywhere near him. _Ever_.

* * *

CLICK!

"...eh?"

Being awakened was something Killigan had never appreciated – let alone while he was busy dreaming of himself successfully turning the world into a giant golf field. And the fact that it had been the blinding flash of a camera to wake him up from such a pleasant dream definitely didn't help.

"What the heck…?" he said groggily, looking around, and he blinked as he saw Amy by his side, looking at him almost apologetically and still holding that blasted camera in her hands. "Och, lass, what do ye think ye're doing?"

She gave him a sheepish smile. "Oh, I'm so sorry I woke you up, pookie bear – but I just _had_ to take a picture, you look so cute together!" she squealed in delight, looking down.

"Uh?" Killigan blinked again and followed her gaze to see Alice curled against his side as if he were some oversized pillow, deeply asleep. She was sucking her thumb, her other hand holding onto his pajamas, her legs moving just a little in her sleep. "How did she get here?" he asked, baffled – she was just eight months old, and even though she was getting quicker and better at crawling around he highly doubted she could get out of her crib and climb on their bed by herself.

He glanced at Amy almost accusingly, and she grinned apologetically. "I brought her," she admitted, her eyes beaming as she glanced at the sleeping child "she wouldn't stop crying, and I couldn't leave her alone! So I thought it wouldn't hurt keeping her with us for a while…and then she immediately crawled to you and fell asleep in no time!" she giggled as she leant next to him, resting her head on his shoulder, and he could only be glad that Alice's presence between them prevented her from giving him one of her usual bone-breaking hugs – she had enough sense to know it would crush a baby, thankfully "isn't she the cutest thing?"

Killigan glanced back down to his daughter, who moved slightly in her sleep and snuggled a tad closer to him. Why the heck had she decided to use _him_ as a pillow while her mother was definitely much softer, he wondered briefly, but he eventually grinned – she _did_ look cute and somewhat innocent while sleeping…exactly the way she _didn't_ look while she was awake.

"Aye," he simply said, reaching down for the child and pulling her onto his stomach, and his grin widened as her tiny fingers instinctively wrapped around his thumb while she kept sleeping – she had a good grip for a wee lassie.

Amy giggled against his neck. "Honey bunny?" she called, causing Killigan to sigh inwardly while bracing himself for whatever sugary nonsense she was about to say.

"What?"

Much to his surprise, however, she merely snuggled closer. "Nothing," she finally said quietly.

Killigan blinked. "What? Are ye feeling alright?" he asked as he pulled back just enough to look at her, startled. She gave him a sheepish, almost timid smile.

"It's nothing important, really," she paused in thought for a few moments, as if unsure if she should speak or not "I'm happy, sweetums," she finally said, reaching down to gently rub her daughter's small back.

"Och, is that all? Ye got me worried, lass," Killigan grumbled a little.

Amy giggled. "Oh, don't be silly – there's nothing to worry about," she said, pinching his cheek and causing him to snort.

"Sure there isn't," he paused for a few moments, glancing at the finger that was currently blocked in Alice's grasp, then his other arm went around Amy's waist. "It isn't half bad on this side either," he said vaguely.

She laughed. "Ooh, is _this_ your way to say you're happy?" she chirped.

Killigan rolled his eyes – alright, fine, he supposed he was…but she didn't really expect him to say that, did she? What the heck, he was Duff Killigan, the world's most dangerous golfer! It would be a cold day in hell whenever he said anything that mushy. "More or less," he muttered, avoiding to look at her.

"No need to be so grumpy," she almost chided him.

"Och, ye know ye shouldn't wake me up," he retorted "that's the most pleasant reaction ye can get. Especially since the two of ye seem to have mistaken me for a giant pillow,"

She was about to point out that it didn't seem to bother him hat much only moments before, but she decided against it. "Oh, you're more like a big, sulky teddy bear," she said, knowing fully it would annoy him…but she couldn't resist – he was so much cuter when he was being all grumpy sometimes.

"I'm not _cute_, lass."

She reached to pinch his cheek. "Say what you want – you _know _you are!"

"Ye're never going to drop it, uh?"

"Nope. Are you going to play golf this morning?"

"Aye. Why?"

"You could bring Alice with you," Amy suggested "I bet she's love spending some time together!"

Killigan nodded – it was about time he began to teach her the basics after all. He grinned. "Why not?"

* * *

"…and here's where the left hand goes, and then ye just have to swing the club – like this, ye see, lassie?" Killigan instructed, swinging the club and tuning to the child sitting on the grass a few steps from him. Alice laughed and clapped her hands – she seemed to find the sight of her father swinging the golf club extremely amusing for some reason – then she reached up for him with a gurgling noise.

"Och, I knew ye would have loved it," the golfer said with a snicker, sitting next to his daughter and roughly ruffling her short hair "how about trying, lassie?"

Alice immediately crawled closer to him, and Duff was quick to take it as a 'yes'. He put the child on his knees and placed her little hands on the golf club, then he swung it, causing her to laugh even harder. "Aye, like that," he grinned proudly as the child began trying to swing the club by herself – it surprised him even that she was able to _move_ it, though barely of a few inches, without his help "not bad for a wee lassie. Now, why don't ye –"

"Cutie pie!" Amy's shrill interrupted him, causing him to roll his eyes.

"…forget it," he grunted a little – he didn't like it when she interrupted those lessons – but his frown disappeared when a familiar scent filled his nostrils, causing his stomach to grumble. Well, he thought as he took the golf club away from Alice's hands and turned to Amy, the rest of the lesson could wait after all. "Lunch time?" he asked with a grin, looking at the lunchbox – haggis sandwiches, just as he had thought.

"Yes – we don't want this cutie to get hungry, do we?" she cooed, sitting next to him on the grass and taking Alice in her arms. She tickled her under her chin, causing the child to giggle.

"Och, I was hungry too," Killigan remarked as he reached for a sandwich, feeling somewhat jealous – it somewhat annoyed him how mother and daughter seemed to share a bond he was cut off from. Alright, it was perfectly normal since Alice was still a baby, still…

"Aw, don't get all grumpy now," she chided him with a chuckle "you know you're my –"

"Aye, I know," he cut her off before she could finish the embarrassing sentence, then he took a bite of his haggis sandwich "ye have no idea of what ye're missing," he said with his mouth full, glancing at his daughter as she swallowed a spoonful of oatmeal.

"Well, she seems to quite like it," Amy giggled as her daughter eagerly opened her mouth for more "don't you, sweetie pie?"

Alice replied with a whiny, almost annoyed sound, reaching up for the oatmeal – Killigan snickered, easily guessing what that noise could mean.

_Aye, aye, love it, whatever – now move on with that spoon, I'm hungry!_

His snickering, however, was short lived. "Hey, stay away from that!" he barked as one of Amy's creations – a dogster? – walked _too_ close to the lunchbox. It yelped, immediately running behind Amy, who pouted.

"Duffy, you shouldn't be so mean," she protested "here, here, it's okay…"

Killigan snorted. "Och, that thing should stay miles away from my lunch. Just be glad I allow it to stay _inside_ the castle in winter – it should stay outside with the others," he replied, glaring at the…dogster as it licked Alice's nose, causing her to laugh and reach out for the dog-lobster creature's muzzle. Killigan's gaze softened just a little – he still didn't like that…thing a bit, but Alice did, so maybe he could live with it. Maybe. Well, at least those other…creatures had learned to stay away from his golf course.

Amy was about to speak, but she seemed to notice the slight change in his gaze, for she changed subject. Killigan just listened absentmindedly as she kept chattering of nonsense about her creatures while feeding Alice, his mind wandering to the stuff he was going to have to get next time he got out of the island – what the heck, it wasn't like she listened much to him when he began rambling about golf either.

He was thinking about suggesting Amy to go with him – Alice was growing up quickly and she definitely needed some new clothes, but he wasn't going anywhere near a baby store as long as he lived – when he was suddenly brought back to reality by something, someone in this case, snatching his tam away from his head.

"What the…" he muttered, turning to see Alice giving him a toothless grin, the tam tightly clutched in her small chubby hands. Amy was giggling, still holding her up.

"Alice, you meanie," she said trying, without much success, to sound angry "give it back!"

The child seemed to consider the idea for a moment or two, then she simply decided she didn't care. Killigan couldn't help but snicker when she put the tam, which was far too large for her, on her head, and reached out for him with a small laughter. "Too big for a wee lassie," he said with a broad grin, picking up his daughter and pulling back the tam so it wouldn't cover her eyes "but when ye'll get bigger, then maybe…what's that?" he asked as he Amy began giggling.

"Oh, nothing, nothing important," she said, putting away what was left of the oatmeal and taking a cookie from the lunch box "you just look so _cute _together…!"

Killigan grimaced as she said 'cute'. "Do ye just have to repeat that every day, lass?" he grunted "ye know I – _ow_!" he trailed off with a yelp as Alice grabbed a handful of his beard and pulled. His reaction seemed to amuse the little girl greatly, for she grinned again, staring up at him with an almost challenging look.

"Ye're getting sassy, ye know," Duff Killigan grumbled, but he was grinning as he pulled the tam back down on Alice's eyes, causing her to shriek with amusement "I like that."

Amy chuckled, then she stayed unusually quiet for a few moments as she watched both her husband and daughter. "Honey bunny?"

"Wha – _ouch_! Lass, are ye really trying to kill someone?" he nearly yelled, almost dropping Alice on the ground as Amy suddenly hugged him. He was about to complain more about how she would give him a heart attack if she kept doing that, but she silenced him before he could utter another word.

Silencing someone like him wasn't easy – one could have said it was simply impossible – but there was a way, and Amy knew it perfectly. After all, how can you speak when your lips are…otherwise occupied?

But of course, they couldn't expect it to last for long with a eight-months-old right there. Killigan gave a sigh as Alice began to blabber and squirm in his grasp, trying to get their attention back. "Ye really are a pain sometimes, lassie," he grumbled as Amy took her back in her arms began cooing some nonsense to her.

"Don't be a meanie, Duffy," she chided him again, taking away the tam from her daughter's head – the child protested a little, but not too much – and handling it back to him "I know you don't mean it anyway," she added with a grin. Killigan grunted something intelligible, but as he took back his tam and put it back on his head Amy could see clearly he was still smirking.


	7. Random scenes: Of Storks And Cabbages

_A/N: this one has been on my laptop for quite a while, and I really have no idea of why I haven't posted it yet. Maybe I'm just forgetful _:P_ Well, here it is - because we all know that no parent in the world can escape THAT question XD_

_Oh, a quick note to whoever is reading any other fic I'm writing: things got a little messy here these days, so I have no idea of when I'll be able to update any fic that I haven't written out already. I hope I'll get the time soon, but it doesn't really depend on me this time. _

_...okay, enough with my babblings.  
_

* * *

"Och, not bad for a wee lassie," Killigan grinned as he followed the golf ball with his gaze, shielding his eyes from the sun "just try to swing a little wider next time, and – " he trailed off and frowned slightly as he saw Alice had dropped the golf club "what's wrong?"

Alice made a face, looking down at her hands. "It hurts," she complained, holding them up so her father could see how reddened the palms were "see?"

Killigan nodded, taking the seven years old's small hands in his roughened one. "Aye, I see – yer hands are still too soft, it takes time to get used to it…" he said, feeling mildly guilty for not thinking about it before.

"Can we take a break then?" Alice nearly whined. The weather was hot, her arms were tired, her palms hurt and she was _hungry_.

"Aye, that's enough for today," Killigan said with a shrug, collecting the golf clubs "it was fun, wasn't it?"

Alice simply nodded, sitting on the golf cart. Alright, it _was _fun for a while, but it could get boring after the first couple of hours or so. Besides, those golf clubs were _heavy_: her father had insisted for her to use the same golf set he had as a kid, and those old clubs weren't much lighter than normal ones anyway.

Killigan frowned a little. He wasn't either blind or deaf, and it didn't take a genius to see that Alice wasn't nearly as enthusiastic about golf as she wanted to seem. The thought somewhat annoyed him, but he didn't really feel like holding it against her…besides, it was nothing he couldn't fix.

"Ye are really getting better, lassie," he said, sitting on the golf cart himself "I think I could let ye use some of the explosive balls soon enough," he added casually, and he had to hold back a grin as his daughter immediately turned her full attention to him.

"Really?" she said excitedly – just as he expected.

"Aye, really. We could have tried them today already, but since ye're so tired…och, where are ye going?" he asked with a proud smirk as Alice jumped down from the cart before he could even start the engine.

"I'm not _that_ tired," she said eagerly "I can try them out now."

Killigan mentally patted himself on the back while he scratched his chin, pretending to be pondering. "I don't know, lassie, I told yer mother I wouldn't let ye get too tired…"

"But I'm _not_," she protested, reaching up to grab his sleeve and looking up at him with an almost pleading expression on her little freckled face "and my hands don't hurt much – can I try them out? Please?"

Well, now _that_ was a surprise: Alice never said 'please' for anything, unless she was being sarcastic or Amy told her to. "Well…" Killigan pretended to think for a few more moments before giving her a mischievous grin "aye, if ye're not tired it can't hurt – but ye must not tell yer mother I let ye use explosive stuff. Deal?"

Alice grinned back. "Deal!"

* * *

"Now that wasn't too bad, was it?" Killigan said with a laugh as he finally started the engine of the golf cart and began to drive towards the castle.

"It was great!" Alice squirmed excitedly on her seat "and did ye hear the explosions? Boom!"

"Aye, that's the sound an explosion usually does," Killigan snickered "and ye scared that Rhinosomething – who would have guessed that thing could run that fast?"

Alice laughed. "Ye don't like Charlie, uh?"

"Och, I don't like any of those…things yer mother likes to create," he grunted "I'll never get why she likes them so much…"

"Oh," Alice stayed silent for a few moments, a thoughtful and somewhat worried expression on her face as she stared blankly ahead for a few moments. "Dad?" she finally called out.

"What?"

"Where do I come from?"

The golf cart abruptly stopped in front of the castle as Killigan froze, his brain simply refusing to process what his daughter had just asked. "…what?" he almost squawked after a few moments, fervently hoping he hadn't heard well.

Fat chance. "Where do I come from?" Alice asked again, this time sounding a little more impatient.

"Er…" Killigan swallowed – why, _why_, _WHY_ was she asking that to _him_? Couldn't she ask Amy? "Well, ye se…uh…" he cleared his throat "I bet yer mother could explain it better," he finally said, unaware of how Alice's slight frown had deepened at his reply – his words seemed to only confirm her worries.

"Was I created with the DNA mixer too?" she asked, looking rather trouble despite her attempts to not let it show up. For some reason, the idea she could have been _created_ just like her mother's living Cuddle Buddies was somewhat scary – then again, if that was the truth, why didn't her father dislike her as he disliked all those other creations? That was confusing to say the least.

And what if her mother created some new creature both her and her father would like better than they liked her? Would her dad treat her just as he treated all her mother's creatures if she wasn't his favourite anymore? She bit her lip, somewhat scared by the thought – and she hated being scared. She was not used to it.

"_WHAT?!" _Duff Killigan nearly yelled, incredulously looking down at his daughter – he seemed nearly horrified by the thought "what the heck are ye thinking? Och, lassie, ye're nothing like those freaks – ye were not created, ye were _born_, just like every other kid on this bloody planet!"

Alice blinked. "Oh," she said, suddenly feeling utterly relieved by the thought even though his father's words hadn't explained much…but it was true, she had to come from somewhere else rather than her mother's DNA mixer – after all there was plenty of other kids outside the island, and she was sure none of them had a DNA mixer in their basement or something. "Really?"

"Of course – ye better not say anything so stupid ever again, lassie," Killigan grumbled, feeling mildly guilty for exploding like that – but what the hell, he wouldn't have his kid thinking she was one of Amy's freaks…!

Alice frowned. "Then _where_ do kids come from?" she asked again.

"Er…" he hesitated as he parked the golf cart in front of the castle. Alright, he could always tell her some stuff about storks, cabbage fields or bees and flowers…but he was fairly certain Alice just wouldn't buy any of that crap. "I told ye, ye better ask yer mother – she'll explain everything," he finally said "why don't ye go looking for her now? I bet she's in her lab."

Killigan gave a sigh of relief as Alice nodded and went inside the castle looking for her mother. For a moment he wondered if it had been such a brilliant idea – tact wasn't precisely one of Amy's strong points on certain subjects, especially considering her habit to just start happily, innocently blabbering about things without thinking too much – but he quickly chased the thought from his mind.

No matter what, he definitely _wasn't_ going to be the one to explain Alice where children come from. Amy was certainly more fit than he was to explain such stuff to a child, he tried to convince himself. Besides, he thought, she was a Killigan: it would take more _that_ that to bother her.

Hopefully.

* * *

"Oh, here you are, sweetie!" Amy chirped as she saw her daughter getting inside the lab "did you have fun?"

Alice was about to tell her just how cool those explosive golf balls were, but she remembered she had promised her father to keep her mouth shut just in time. "Aye," she simply said, leaning against a table and grabbing a cookie as she watched her mother type something on a large computer – for being genetic engineering lab, there was plenty of food around. "Dad said I got better," she boasted a little, her mouth full. What the heck, she had just handled explosives for the first time – she could at least boast a little after all.

"Oh, I'm sure you did!" Alice made a face as her mother reached to pinch her cheek.

"Mom, no pinching! Ye promised!"

"Sorry, cutie pie," Amy said, not sounding 'sorry' at all "I always forget…could you hand me that DNA sample? Yes, that one."

"Pig DNA?" Alice asked as she watched her putting the sample into the genomic sequencer and typing something else on the keyboard.

"Yup – I'm working on a new Cuddle Buddy!" she exclaimed excitedly "a meerpig!"

"Uh?"

"A mixture between a meerkat and a pig," Amy said as if it was the most natural thing in the world "I bet it would be awfully cute!"

Alice was about to say something about her mother's questionable idea of 'cute', but she wisely decided to just keep her mouth shut. "Have ye ever tried with something different?"

"How different?"

"Well…less cute and more…ye know…" Alice frowned a little while looking for the right word "bad? Much like Nessie, only meaner."

"Oh, yes, I have – and I'll never do that ever again!" she shook her head

Well, that was a surprise – Alice would have never expected her mother to actually say that yes, she _had_ tried once. "Really? How mean?"

"Very mean, and very big," she shrugged a little at the memory "things went out of control. It's just not my thing, sweetie."

The little girl sighed – too bad, now that would have been fun. "I know." There was a brief silence as she watched her mother working in front of the screen. "Mom?" Alice finally called, as if suddenly reminded of the reason why she was there.

"Yes, honey?"

"Where do kids come from?"

Amy blinked, staring at her daughter for a few moments, then a huge smile spread on her face, causing Alice to take a step back. It was never a good sign when her mother smiled like _that_.

"Ooh, my little girl!" she squealed, grabbing her and giving her a breath-stealing hug "you're growing up so quickly! It seems like yesterday you were –"

"Mom, I can't _breathe_," Alice protested, squirming in her grasp – how could one of the world's foremost genetists not understand something as basic as a human being's need of oxygen was beyond her.

Amy giggled, releasing her. "I'm sorry sweetie – I just wondered if you'd ever ask," she sighed for some reason unknown to her daughter "oh, one really knows children are growing up when they start asking…"

Alice blinked – what the heck was she talking about? What had it to do with growing up anyway? "Uh?" was all she said as her mother physically pushed her to sit on a chair and handled her some orange juice.

"Here, drink something – it's going to be an important chat, you know," she said excitedly, sitting in front of her with a cookie in her hand, and Alice's grip around the glass tightened.

No, that didn't sound good _at all_.

* * *

Killigan raised his gaze from the newspaper as he heard the door that led to Amy's lab opening. It was about time, he thought: he was starting to get hungry. It was almost lunchtime after all, and Amy had told him she was about to make him haggis that day – she had gotten really good doing that, he mused, almost as much as his grandmother. He turned to ask her if she was done and if they could have lunch already, but he froze as he saw Alice standing in front of him.

…oh, right. He had nearly forgotten what she had been about to ask her mother when she had gotten in the lab, and judging from the expression on her face she hadn't liked at all whatever Amy had told her. He cleared his throat, slightly embarrassed and rather worried for his daughter's mental state. "Are ye…uh…alright, lassie?"

Alice just stared at him without answering for a few moments, then her disturbed expression turned into a disgusted one. "_Eeew_,"was all she muttered before walking past the couch to get upstairs. Killigan blinked as she left, mentally kicking himself – he should have known Amy wouldn't be able to understand that there was only that much a child could take.

"Oh, don't worry, honey bunny," Amy giggled as she walked behind him and hugged him "it's normal for children to react that way."

"Och, I know," Killigan said – he remembered all too well _his_ reaction as a kid "but was that necessary to tell her…what the heck did ye tell her anyway?"

"Only the basic stuff, of course – she's just a child," Amy said almost defensively, then she shrugged "she'll get over it soon, Duffy, she simply needs time. All kids think it is absolutely disgusting for a while."

"Aye, they do," Killigan said, relaxing a little. It was nothing most children hadn't been through already after all – it was nothing to worry about, she'd get over it. He blinked as his stomach grumbled as if to remind him he needed to eat _now_ "Uh…how about lunch?"

"Everything's ready, sweetums – we can eat now if you want to."

"Och, sure I want – we better tell Alice lunch is ready."

Amy giggled a little. "No need to do so – she said she has no appetite," she said, causing Killigan to blink. When his daughter wasn't hungry, it could only mean the world was about to end.

"No appetite? _Alice? _Och, lass, what in the world did ye tell her?!"

"I told you, nothing nasty – children are just easy to impress."

Killigan was about to protest and say that Alice was anything but easy to impress, but he changed his mind – Amy still failed to realize her daughter was about as sensitive as a rhino most times. "We better leave her something if she gets hungry later," he just said.

"Oh, don't worry, I'll bake a mouth-watering pie later – she just won't be able to resist!"

"Chocolate pie?"

"Chocolate pie."

"Then ye better bake two of those, lass, or there won't be much left for her," Killigan said, causing Amy to chuckle.

"Anything for my pookie bear," she said, hugging him tighter, completely deaf to his protests and his attempts to squirm away from her bone-breaking grasp.


	8. Random scenes: Left Out

_A/N: holycrap, an update _XD _Well, I've actually had the idea for this one months back, but the draft was forgotten in the depths of my HD until I found it yesterday and decided to finish it. It got longer than I expected since it was supposed to be just a short scene, but given my track record that's hardly a surprise._

_

* * *

_

DNAmy wasn't one to keep quiet very easily: usually, making her stop talking took nothing short of a miracle. Still, that day she was sitting silently in the dining room, only eating her dinner without speaking… just like she had been doing more and more often lately. And like every other time, neither Killigan nor Alice seemed to have noticed that.

"…and I tell ye, it could have been a hole in one had the wind been just a little faster!" Killigan was muttering, his mouth still filled with mashed potatoes.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Ye couldn't make a hole in one if the hole was two inches away," she teased him a little "ye're losing yer touch, ye know."

"Ye wish! I can still mop the floor with ye if I fell like it, lassie!"

"Aye, right. That's why I could make a hole in one and ye couldn't!"

"I was just feeling like giving ye an advantage," Killigan protested "don't make me regret it!"

"Blah, blah, blah," Alice stuck out her tongue at him before taking another spoonful of potatoes "keep telling yerself that."

Killigan snorted, but he was grinning. Alice had grown a lot more enthusiast in golf after he had began letting her use the explosive golf balls when she did very well, and the fact now she was getting almost good enough to challenge him from time to time made golf much more fun in her eyes. But he couldn't let her think she was _better_ than him, could he? "Fine, lassie, ye're asking for it. We'll see who's best tomorrow! And the loser will have to carry the bags for a week. Deal?"

"Deal!"

As they got into yet another argument concerning golf and then explosives, Amy sighed a little and pushed her dish aside, not really feeling hungry anymore. It wasn't like she wasn't happy that they had so much fun – on the contrary, it really made her glad – but lately she felt more and more left out around them. It wasn't like they consciously neglected her or anything, but now they spent so much time outside playing golf and talked about it almost all the time, and since Amy knew nothing about it there was pretty much no way to get in the conversation. She did interrupt them from time to time and they did listen to her, of course – even though they both rolled their eyes a little sometimes – but after that they would get back to their conversation as if there had been no interruption.

All in all, they seemed to share a bound she was cut off from… and the more the time passed, the more she longed to be part of it. It wasn't like there was much company in the island aside from their and her living Cuddle Buddies, but not even her darlings could keep her enough company all the time. She would have liked to talk to Duffy about it since Alice was too young to understand her worries, but she was afraid he would just think she was being silly.

Then again, she had to do something to change things at least a little: she felt too lonely that way.

* * *

Amy sighed happily as she lay back on the on the pillow, keeping her eyes closed as she waited for her breathing and heartbeat to settle, and she snuggled a tad closer to her husband. He just put an arm around her waist to hold her closer, faintly hoping she wasn't up for more – it wasn't like he would usually complain, but he wasn't such a young lad anymore and he doubted he would be able to do much more for that night – but thankfully she just seemed content to lay there in his embrace.

"Honey bunny?" she finally called after a few minutes of silence. Killigan lazily opened his eyes to glance at her in the dim light.

"What?" he asked, once again thankful she didn't use those ridiculous nicknames in…other moments – that would most definitely have killed the mood.

"Well, I was wondering…"

Killigan sighed, fully expecting her to ask for something she knew he wouldn't usually allow without at least a fight – she knew perfectly that he always was somewhat more…mellow in he daze of the afterglow, and she had taken advantage of it more than once. Well, it wouldn't happen _this _time: he was going to be absolutely adamant in refusing whatever absurdity-

"…could you teach me how to play golf?"

"Uh?"

That was just about the last thing Killigan had expected her to ask since she had never showed any interest in golf in…ten years? Something like that. "What?" he asked again, blinking "are ye serious, lass?"

Amy giggled. "Of course I am, silly. I'm just curious to try it out, that's all – you and Alice seem to have a lot of fun with it," she said, barely able to hide a slight note of jealousy in her voice. She knew it wasn't nice, and she really was glad they got along so well…but now that Alice was growing up and spent more and more time outside with her father, she almost wished they weren't that close. Not all the time, at least.

Killigan, however, didn't notice the slight change in her voice. "Och, sure I could," he said, sounding rather surprised "I just didn't think ye- _ow!_ Easy!" he protested as she proceeded to squeeze his breath out of him to express her glee.

"Aw, thank you, pookie bear!" she cooed, her giving him a peck on the cheek "I can't wait to get started," she said cheerfully, and for some reason Killigan couldn't ignore the nagging feeling he had just put himself in deep trouble.

* * *

"She _is_ being serious," Alice muttered, looking both amused and surprised as she watched her mother getting out of the castle with the lunchbox and walking towards them. Not to mention slightly concerned.

"Aye, looks like she's being serious," Killigan said, leaning back against the seat of the golf cart "it caught me by surprise too, but…what is there so funny?"

Alice muffled another snicker. "Nothing, just, uh…I'll be watching from the cart, okay?" she said, glancing at the golf clubs "just to stay out of range."

"No way, lassie – ye're my caddie, and ye stay near me."

"Oh," Alice frowned "ye're not going to let her use the explosive balls, right?"

"Are ye _kidding_?" Killigan said, shuddering.

"Aw, too bad. That would be cool."

"I'm not ready to die yet."

"Well, ye _are_ past yer prime…" she snickered, ducking under her father's half-hearted swipe – it was easy since he had no real intention to hit her anyway: it was more like a warning, the shut-up-before-I-get-mad kind of warning.

"Aren't ye supposed to be studying, lassie?" he grumbled, more to have something to complain about rather than because it really mattered to him. Since their only attempt to send her to a boarding school had ended up with a broken nose, two black eyes and a few loose teeth (while she gotten just a few scratches, she was always proud to point out), she was now studying by correspondence – but she didn't really seem to be interested on most subjects. The only thing she was rather good at was scientific stuff like chemistry, but that was pretty much a given considering that they had a genetic engineering lab downstairs and that she had been learning about explosives for a while.

Alice just shrugged. "Nope, I'm done already," she said, crossing her fingers behind her back – truth to be told she still had some grammar stuff to get through, but who cared? It was boring, and she had better stuff to do anyway. Not to mention that she wasn't going to miss that scene for anything…just as long as she stayed out of range, that was it. "I'm curious to see how ye'll teach her," she said with a grin.

Killigan groaned – he could just picture how much fun his daughter would have watching him struggle to explain anything to Amy. She didn't even know how to hold a golf club, and…and…well, truth to be told he didn't really know _why_ the thought of Amy wielding a golf club worried him so much. It just _did_. "How about teaching her yerself?" he grunted.

"How about no?" came the predictable reply.

Killigan was about to retort, but he was cut off by Amy's cheerful shrill as she sat next to him on the cart. "Here I am!" she chirped, reaching out to hug both of them "oh, I'm sure it's going to be fun!"

As father and daughter exchanged a quick glance, without any apparent reason the sensation that Killigan was about to regret agreeing teaching her was promptly replaced by a horrible certainty.

* * *

Well, Killigan had to admit it didn't go too bad at first. Sure, he had to explain her some of the basics at least four times – how could someone who could play with DNA being unable to remember basic stuff like the difference between a wedge and a chipper and the effects of wind speed on the golf ball was beyond him – but aside for that, it nothing dramatic had happened. Yet.

"No, no – not this way, lass," he corrected her for what seemed the millionth time "are ye calling that swinging? It's more like this," he said, swinging the golf club to prove his point "see?"

"Oh, alright," Amy frowned a little in concentration before she swung again, this time imitating him perfectly.

"Good one!" Alice muttered, sounding rather surprised as she took a peek from behind her father – she'd rather not stay near her mother while she was wielding a golf club.

"Aww, thank you, sweetie!" Amy gave her a bright smile before turning to Killigan "see, sweetums? I'm learning!"

Killigan shrugged. "Och, that's the beginner's lu-" he trailed off with a wince as Alice stomped on his foot, and that brief moment was enough for his brain to catch up with his tongue and make him realize it wouldn't be the best thing to say… especially since Amy was pretty much beaming with pride. "Er… I mean, not bad," he conceded.

Amy giggled and poked his stomach with the golf club. "See? I told you we would have fun!" she said, apparently unaware of how Killigan was warily glancing at the club she was holding up to his stomach as if it were a dangerous weapon. Behind him, Alice wisely took a few steps back.

"Uh… aye," Killigan said a little nervously, reaching to push the head of the club away from himself "how about trying out with a ball now?"

She seemed enthusiastic, as if he had just suggested they should have a romantic dinner on the Eiffel Tower – definitely not something he would ever suggest – or something close. "That would be great!"

"What the heck is up with her and golf now?" Alice asked quietly as they both walked to the cart to get some golf balls "she didn't even like it until this morning!"

"Och, I have no idea," Killigan seemed just as puzzled as she was.

"Maybe she hit her head?"

"Aye, could be."

"Yo-hoo, you two!" Amy called out from behind them "what are you talking about?"

"Nothing, I misplaced the golf balls," he replied with a shrug before he walked back to Amy, barely turning to speak to his daughter under his breath. "Ye better stay back, lassie. Ye can never know."

"Sure," Alice muttered, following him but stopping a few steps back once more. Much like her father she couldn't exactly tell what it was that worried her, but she had a gut feeling that a golf club in her mother's hands could only be bad news. Heck, even a plushie in her hands could be bad news. But really, why had she decided she wanted to learn golf all of a sudden? There had to be a reason, but she really couldn't figure it out. She eventually shrugged – she was more action-oriented and thinking too much always gave her a headache – and turned to watch the scene before her.

Killigan straightened himself after placing the golf ball on the tee and turned to Amy. "Alright, now take the stance I told ye…a little more on the left…lower the club a little," he reached to guide her arms in the right position "aye, just like that. Now keep yer eyes on the ball and swing. Just wait a moment…" Killigan took a few steps back, just enough to avoid being hit should something go wrong with her swing, then he nodded. "Aye, try now."

Amy tried to swing, and neither Killigan nor Alice were surprised in the slightest as she missed the ball. Amy blinked in confusion for a few moments, then a small frown formed on her face when she glanced down to see the golf ball still in its place. Before she could say anything, however, Killigan spoke up.

"Och, that happens a lot at first – keep trying," he said, hoping he would sound encouraging – he didn't often try to encourage anyone, so he wasn't sure how believable he sounded – and he probably did, because Amy just nodded and tried to swing again, with the same result. After a few minutes she still hadn't given up, and Killigan was snickering behind her – but silently, because he knew she would pout for a while if she caught him having fun at her expenses. He turned back to glance at Alice, and he wasn't surprised to see her grinning in amusement as well.

He was about to suggest Amy she should take a little break – swinging non-stop was tiring, it was clearly starting to take its toll on her and she was sweating a little, her hair ruffled, a slightly frustrated scowl starting to show on her face – but before he could open his mouth to speak Amy gave a cheerful shrill. "I hit it!" she exclaimed happily, glancing up to see where the ball went.

Alice blinked. "Ye… what?" she said, a little startled.

"Och, that's…great," Killigan muttered, sounding a little surprised. He took a few steps forward and shielded his eyes from the sun with his hand as glanced up as well. "Where did it-"

_Thud_.

"I don't know, Duffy, so you see it? Duffy?" Amy turned to see Killigan standing rigidly beside her, his widened eyes fixed ahead, and she had barely the time to notice the golf ball bouncing on the ground near his feet before he heavily collapsed on the ground. "Duffy!" she exclaimed, dropping the golf club and crouching next to him "are you alright, honey bunny?"

"Is he dead?" Alice asked curiously, crouching on the ground as well and poking his side, getting no response from him. She poked a little harder, and Killigan gave a slight grunt.

"No, silly, of course he's not dead," Amy gave a nervous laughter, apparently unsettled by the mere idea "he just passed out."

"Aye, I see. Nice bump," Alice snickered in amusement as she looked at bump growing on his head. Maybe he should have taught her to take the wind direction and speed into account a little better before he allowed her to try hitting a ball. She tried to reach to poke the bump – maybe _that_ would wake him up – but Amy pushed her hand aside before she could. "Don't be a meanie, Alice!" she chided her before she worriedly glanced down at Killigan again "do we have some ice?"

"Aye, there is some in the cool bag," Alice muttered, getting up and running to the golf bag and the rest of the stuff was to get the ice from the cool bag her father always had to keep the beer cold when he stayed out to play all day.

"Thank you, sweetie," Amy said with a small sigh of relief as she grabbed the ice Alice had put in some cloth and applied it on the stinging bump on Killigan's head, causing him to finally stir a little. "Sugar bugger? Can you hear me?"

Killigan let out a groan as he opened his eyes again. "What… was it?" he croaked.

"Remember the ball mom hit? Ye found it," Alice informed him, waving the golf ball in front of his eyes "well, it found ye, really."

"Very funny," Killigan grunted as he tried to sit up, but Amy pushed him down.

"No, honey bunny, stay down another while," she told him, still glancing at him a little worriedly as she kept pressing the ice on the bump "does it hurt that much?"

"Nice it isn't," Killigan muttered, making a face. He tried to sit up again but his head spun and he decided that yes, he should probably wait another while before getting up. For a moment he considered yelling at her a little for her clumsiness, but he quickly discarded the idea: not only he wasn't feeling well enough for yelling and the effort would most likely make his head hurt more, but she also looked pretty scared already and it wouldn't be a bright idea making it worse for her. But he would demand an extra portion of dessert that evening.

"Aw, I'm so sorry, honey bunny!" she cooed at him after gesturing for Alice to go get the cart – the less he had to walk to get back to the castle, the better it would be "I didn't mean to hurt you…"

Killigan let out a small snort that could have sounded remarkably similar to a laugh. "Och, I should hope ye didn't meant to," he muttered, and Amy giggled a little sheepishly.

"I'm sorry, sweetie pie," she said apologetically "next time I'll be more careful, I promise."

"What? Next time?" Killigan seemed horrified by the thought there could be a next time "och, lass, what's up with ye and golf anyway? Ye don't even like it!"

Amy pouted a little. "Are you saying you don't want me to come along?" she asked.

_Aye, exactly._

"Er… no," he said, though a little hesitantly "it's not that, it's just… just… don't change subject, it's true that ye never liked golf anyway!" he retorted, finally managing to sit up and hold the ice on the stinging area by himself. "Why did ye decide to try it out all of a sudden?"

"Well…" Amy bit her lower lip, a little unsure "it's just… it's your favourite sport in the world and it means so much to you, so I thought it would be nice trying to learn it," she lied lamely.

Killigan blinked. "Are ye kidding? Just because it's my favourite pastime he doesn't mean it has to be yours as well!" he protested, rather horrified by the possibility she could ask him to have anything to do with her homemade creatures because creating them it was her favourite hobby.

"I know, but I must seem so boring to you since I don't like what you like…!"

Fine, his headache was definitely getting worse. "Lass, what in the world are ye thinking?" he asked, surprised – she had never seemed to have such thoughts before "if I wanted someone who likes all the stuff I like and stuff, I'd have asked Blue Boy to clone me or something – it's not like I didn't know ye don't like golf when ye moved here, ye know," he pointed out "and anyway, I've got Alice, so no chance to get bored at all when it comes to golf..."

"Yes, that's it!" Amy exclaimed, feeling a little better after his tirade and relieved that she finally had a chance to confront him about that without seeming too silly. Or so she hoped. "I mean, you and Alice seem to have such a great time playing, and you keep talking about it, and…" she paused.

Killigan, on the other hand, just shrugged. "Aye, and isn't that a good thing? No need for ye to try golfing. _Ever_."

"Oh, of course it is, pookie bear, but…" she hesitated "I was starting to feel a little left out," she finally admitted.

"Uh?" Killigan stared at her for a few minutes as if she had announced him she was planning to take him on the moon for the weekend "ye…what? Left out? When? How?" he demanded to know, frowning in confusion. When had he done anything to make her feel like that?

Amy giggled a little, somewhat relieved by the confused expression on his face – he really hadn't noticed, she realized. He had never wanted her to feel like that. "Well, when you and Alice keep talking about it… I don't know what to say," she said a little sheepishly "so I just keep quiet. And you two spend a lot of time outside to play and that's so wonderful, really, but… I feel a little alone when you stay out all day," she admitted.

Killigan kept staring at her for a few more minutes, as if his brain was having trouble to process what she had just said. He had assumed that the reason why she had stopped joining him and Alice with a lunch box when they were outside playing was that she was busy with the lab, and as for her keeping quiet around them… he had barely even noticed, he thought with a pang of guilt. He eventually frowned as he felt his head pulsing again, the ice having almost completely melted. "And why didn't ye _tell_ me first?" he asked, a little more angrily than he meant to – but what he heck, he could have spared himself a bump and a nasty headache if only she told him…!

"I thought you'd think I was just being silly, sweetums," she said a little apologetically.

"What? Do ye really think I'd have thought _that_?" Killigan protested, biting back a retort about how if anything it had been stupid of her not telling him anything about how she felt. Just what did she think of him anyway? Of course he wouldn't have though she was being dumb…not too much, anyway! "I would have tried to find a way to fix it if ye just- ow!" he was cut off and could only gasp for breath as Amy pulled him in a rib-cracking hug…her own fail-proof method to make him stop rambling.

"Oh, you're right, pookie bear," she cooed, apparently oblivious of his desperate attempts to pull away just enough to breathe again "I shouldn't have thought this badly of you…!"

"Aye, whatever," Killigan gasped "it's alright. Really. Let me _breathe_, lass!"

"Of course," Amy cooed before finally releasing him. Killigan drew in a deep breath, faintly thinking that just breathing had never felt that wonderful before.

"Fine," he finally said when he managed to keep his voice steady again "here's the plan, lass. We get back in the castle, put clubs and golf balls well away, sit down and _talk_ about this. And we're not getting anywhere until we're done. How does that sound?"

"Oh, of course," she gave him a toothy smile "and how about some pie while we speak?"

Well, that didn't sound too bad. "Aye, I think we can make it fit in the plan," he said with a chuckle as Amy helped him on his feet, then he frowned again as he glanced around. "Where's Alice?" he asked, just noticing that she wasn't there anymore.

"I sent her to take the cart here. I don't want you to have to walk too much," Amy told him, then she blinked as she saw Killigan suddenly getting paler "what is it, Duffy?" she asked a little worriedly. Could it be that the blow on his head had been worse than she had thought? Maybe he shouldn't have gotten up already…!

The actual reason of his worry, however, was immediately clear to her when he spoke again. "Ye sent Alice to take the cart? By herself?" he asked, looking a few steps away from heart failure. His daughter was the _last_ person he'd let drive anything, let alone his cart! And she was just eight years old – how could Amy be reckless enough to let her?

_Well, stupid question. It's Amy we're talking about._

"I'm sure nothing will happen, honey bunny," Amy tried to reassure him, but she was starting to get a little worried herself – it was taking Alice a lot to get back, she realized… and the cart wasn't very far.

"I'll go looking for her," Killigan said, not reassured in the slightest, but he barely had enough time to take a few steps before Alice walked in sight from behind the sand trap in the golf course. She seemed to be perfectly fine aside from having slightly ruffled hair and some sand on her clothes, and Amy couldn't hold back a sigh of relief before she noticed something else – namely, the stirring wheel she was holding in her hands. The cart's stirring wheel.

"Er… I had a little problem," Alice said, grinning a little sheepishly at them as she lifted the wheel, and Amy wasn't really surprised when she heard the sound of a body heavily falling on the ground right next to her.

"Oh, my poor honey bunny," she cooed, crouching next to Killigan again, but she couldn't help but giggle as she noticed how cute he looked when unconscious. Maybe she should take a picture – if she only had her camera…!

"How much time do I have to run before he wakes up again?" Alice asked, glancing at her father from over her shoulder "can I take the dirigible?"

Amy chuckled. "It won't be necessary, sweetie – I'll try to make him calm down when he wakes up," she assured her "now why don't you go looking for Charlie? We can't bring him back home by ourselves."

"I could lift him," Alice pointed out, folding her arms on her chest as if challenging her to say otherwise.

"Of course you can, but it would be tiring and I don't want my baby to get tired," Amy chirped, reaching to pinch her cheek and ignoring how her daughter had wrinkled her nose upon being called a baby "be nice and go look for Charlie. Your dad will be in a better mood if he wakes up in a comfy bed, don't you think?"

That was enough to convince her, and Alice immediately turned and went looking for the Rhinobunny. Amy chuckled a little as she watched her go. "Aw, she's growing up so quick," she said with a sigh before she began fussing over her pookie bear again.


End file.
